The Let Down
by Ginger S
Summary: Story based on this quote..."As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will." -unknown and a tag to "Promotion" episode. Call it a challenge if the quote speaks to you. Love challenge responses.
1. Chapter 1

_I know you are probably thinking...what is she doing? She already has two unfinished stories. But sometimes my muse just won't cooperate. This is what "Red Flash" (as a friend so lovingly named my muse "Red" for short.) has come up with, and just won't stop jabbering in my ear about working on this one today. I PROMISE I will get back to "Little Boy Lost" and "Phantom's Payback", but for now...hope you enjoy this start of my new story. More soon! (as long as RL lets me work. LOL!)_ **  
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**The Let Down**

By GCS

_Emergency belongs to Universal and Mark VII._

**_"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will." -unknown_**

Weary men stumbled from their seats and across the bay floors to the locker room. It was still dark outside and they hoped for at least a few hours of sleep. They smelled of smoke and ash, but none really cared. That was normal for them.

Turnout coats still swung lightly from the doors they were draped from. A door on one of the squad compartments still stood open while the coat hung haphazardly inside.

A shuffling of tired feet made their way into the dorm and boots and turnouts were shed and positioned at the foot of the bunks. The men slid beneath the rumpled covers and dropped off to sleep before their head hit the pillows. Exhaustion outweighed the need to shower away the grime.

An eerie quiet filled the station until soft snores began to drift from each bunk…save one.

Roy Desoto, paramedic extraordinaire according to his colleagues, had failed miserably at relationships in the last twenty four hours. First with his wife then with his best friend and right now those things kept the exhausted man awake and staring at the ceiling of the dorm room.

Images of the last day rambled around in his mind like Joanne crying that morning after he'd lost his temper with her about his pending promotion to Engineer. _'Why can't she understand why I'm having second thoughts?... Because you jerk…she is the one trying to juggle the budget. The kids need new shoes. The car needs work. We need tires. That's why.'_

He turned over toward the brick wall so his back was to his partner; jabbed at his pillow a few times before dropping his head onto the fluffed ball. _'Then there's the question about you Johnny. Why are you being so damn encouraging?' _He thought back to the harsh words he'd spout out to Johnny after he had wished him a good morning in threes, as was Johnny's way, and then asked the simple question of had he heard from headquarters about when he would get the official promotion. _'Why couldn't I have just answered him? No instead I had to bark at him about minding his own business; told him to stop whining about my leaving him, and then to top it off… asked him if he was worried about doing the job on his own without my help. What the hell was I thinking?' _He rubbed the palm of his hand over his eyes and punched the pillow again. _'You're a jerk Desoto...a real jerk.'_

The clock on the wall ticked loudly as the seconds crept by one by one.

The seconds became minutes and still Roy's mind kept him from the sleep his tired body needed.

The minutes became an hour…two…

And then the morning tones rang out jerking the men from their quiet slumber.

All except Roy who had given up about an hour ago and tip toed through the dorm, across the bay, and into the kitchen where he now sat with a cup of cold coffee between his hands. He was already showered, shaved and in uniform.

"You're up early." Cap said as he crossed the dayroom to the coffee pot. "Too tired to sleep?" He turned back to his senior paramedic, leaned against the cabinet and lifted the steaming cup to his lips.

"I guess." Roy said softly.

Cap glanced up at his junior paramedic who had stopped in the door. Johnny lowered his gaze and retreated into the bay.

"Move over Gage! Some of us want coffee." Chet grumbled as he pushed past the tall thin man and into the kitchen. "Mornin' Roy."

Roy didn't respond or raise his eyes as he slid his chair back and placed the mug in the sink before leaving the room.

"What's eatin' him?" Chet asked Cap as he poured himself a mug of coffee.

"Leave it alone Chet." Cap ordered as he pushed off the counter and held his half empty cup out to the lineman for a refill before leaving the kitchen. He didn't know what was eating Roy, but the last thing anyone needed if they had a lot on their mind was Chet Kelly needling them about it.

Chet turned around and leaned against the counter and then glanced back to the door leading to the bay. After a few minutes he realized Johnny had not come back for coffee. Making a quick decision he turned back to the pot and grabbed another mug; then with two mugs in hand he set out to find his pigeon.

Mike passed Chet on his way around the table. His hair was damp and he was dressed for the day. "Marco's in the shower now." Mike explained as though he thought Chet was headed to find Marco with the extra cup of coffee.

"Uh…oh…okay." He didn't let on that he was actually looking for Johnny. He just kept going. "Thanks."

Mike looked at him with a tilted head and a curious look. "Sure." When Chet kept on going Mike shrugged his shoulders in confusion and continued on his own journey toward the coffee pot.

When he entered the bay Chet saw Roy over by the front of the Squad. "Roy, did you see where Gage went?"

Roy looked up from polishing the hood of the squad. "It's not my day to keep watch over my partner." He barked out. Chet stared at him, stunned at the venom in his voice. If Roy was this upset with Johnny then Johnny must have done something to cause it. Chet shrugged and walked away. He still needed to find Johnny. He didn't see Roy toss the polishing rag on the hood and lower his head onto his folded arms. He didn't know Roy was counting to 10 very slowly. Roy knew he didn't have good cause to be so upset with Johnny, but for some reason being mad at Johnny was helping take his mind off of his other problems.


	2. Chapter 2

The Let Down

Chapter Two

By GCS

Chet pushed open the door to the locker room and found Johnny perched in his locker with his feet on the bench, elbows on his knees and his chin resting in his palms. He stood and waited for Johnny to recognize his presence, but when that didn't happen he walked over. "Here." He pushed the extra mug of coffee against the back of Johnny's hand.

Johnny jerked back as though he hadn't heard Chet come in the room. "What the…" He practically crawled up into his locker. He relaxed a bit after realizing it was only Chet. He ran his hand though his hair and took a deep breath returning to his original position.

"What has gotten into you guys?" Chet asked as he handed the mug to the much calmer paramedic.

"What are you talkin' about? You snuck in here and nearly gave me a heart attack." Johnny took the mug. "Thanks."

"Whatever Gage. Your partner's out there polishing the squad by himself and you're in here sulking in your locker. What gives?"

"Sulking! I am NOT sulking! I'm waiting on Marco to finish his shower. Roy's already had his shower. I need to get mine before we get… well you know." He waved his hand in the air in explanation.

"Sure, sure…and that's why you didn't get a cup of coffee when you came to the kitchen. Right?" He continued pushing. A stranger could see the sadness in Johnny's easy-to-read eyes. There was definitely a problem. Chet just didn't know what it was, but he planned to do all he could to find out.

Johnny looked over at Chet with a raised eyebrow. He knew Chet had seen him in the bay. "Since when is it a crime for a guy to want to clean up before he has his morning coffee?"

Chet shrugged. "I don't know man, but you two are acting strange…really strange."

"You're crazy." Johnny dropped his feet to the floor, turned to his locker sitting the coffee mug inside, and pulled his t-shirt over his head tossing it to the back. "Now if you don't mind. I'm going to get my shower now."

Chet felt as if he needed to get out of Johnny's way. The man was either really pissed or really upset. It was a toss up, but the eyes read upset while the body language read irritated…highly irritated.

Just as he was about to ask another question, the door to the shower clicked open and Marco reached out for his towel. "It's all yours Johnny." He said as he stepped out with his towel around his waist.

Johnny stepped from his turnout pants and grabbed his towel before skirting around Chet on his way to the shower.

"Hey Marco," Chet turned toward the Hispanic man. "Do you know what's going on with Gage and Desoto?"

Marco looked over at his best friend and smiled. "What are you up to this time Chet?"

Chet smiled at Marco and laughed. "I'm not up to anything. Those two are acting weird…really weird."

Marco laughed too. "Since when are you NOT up to something?"

"Listen Marco, I'm serious. There is something wrong. Those two are barely talking and Gage is avoiding Desoto. Just a few minutes ago I saw him not get coffee because Roy was already in the kitchen. Since when does Gage not get coffee as soon as he gets out of his bunk?" He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows in question.

Marco scratched the back of his head. "Maybe you're right." He finished buttoning his shirt and pinned his badge on the chest before turning back to Chet. "I think you need to leave the Phantom out of this one."

"Aw come on man."

"No really, Chet, Roy's getting promoted any day now. Johnny will have a new partner. They are both on edge…really on edge." He wanted to stress the importance of keeping the Phantom quiet so he repeated how on edge just as Chet had repeated really weird. Sometimes he had to talk like Chet for Chet to understand. Other times he just mumbled in Spanish when he couldn't get Chet to listen. Then Chet would always want to know what he had said. He was totally prepared to do that now if he needed to.

"I know that Marco. The Phantom wouldn't do anything to them when they're down." Chet drained the last of his coffee. "I just don't want to miss an opportunity if the ice needs breaking. You know." He grinned.

Marco smiled. "Yeah…yeah I know." The two friends left the locker room and headed for the kitchen for more coffee for Chet and a first cup for Marco.

Johnny leaned his head against the cool tile in the shower and let the hot spray pour over his tense muscles. He wanted to continue to be supportive of his best friend, but truthfully Roy's words had cut him straight to the core.

Stepping back and turning his face to the water to wash away the traces of soot and grime he remembered those words. "Are you worried that you can't do the job without my help? Are you afraid they'll partner you with a paramedic fresh from training that might know more than you? Or that you will need to teach them?" Roy had stepped right up to him and into his personal space. He had taken a step back, but Roy followed him staying right in his face. With each word Roy's voice rose and his face grew redder. "Why are you acting like this is what you want me to do when we both know you don't? Stop your whining Gage! This is not about you. Mind your own damn business." They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds…nostrils flaring and fists clenching before Roy quickly broke the stare and stepped back. He then turned and slammed his locker. He quickly stormed out of the locker room leaving Johnny standing there in shock wondering what had just happened, and they had avoided each other for the rest of the day.

As the water began to cool, Johnny shuddered not at the temperature but at the thought that maybe he was worried about doing the job without Roy. Oh he knew he was capable. He'd done it many times over the past few years while Roy was out on vacation or laid up with an injury. But those times he always knew Roy would be back. Those times it was temporary. This was it…this was forever.


	3. Chapter 3

The Let Down

Chapter Three

By GCS

Johnny turned off the water, but remained standing in the shower stall dripping. With the water sliding down his body flowed the momentary feelings of doubt. As the cool air dried his skin he felt the heat of his own anger welling up.

'_I performed the first act in the field as a paramedic.'_He balled up his fist and hit it against the tiled wall.

'_I graduated at the top of the class with Brackett as the lead instructor, and he's a hard ass.'_He slammed his fist against the wall again feeling the sting.

'_I've trained as many boots as he has and done it successfully. He's only the senior man, because he's been a firefighter longer.'_He opened his fist and shook off the pain that radiated up his arm realizing he didn't need to do anything stupid that would get him in trouble. Breaking his hand or the tiles wouldn't be a good idea.

'_We became paramedics at the same time.'_He ran his hand through his wet hair and scrubbed his palms on his face; then he sucked in a deep breath and blew it out again.

'_What makes him think he's better than me? Let him go. I'm over it.'_ He reached for the shower door, threw it open and grabbed his towel.

Meanwhile out in the bay Roy had returned to his task of polishing the already shining Squad.

Captain Stanley looked up from the folder on his desk and saw Roy just outside the door. "Roy, see you in my office," He called to the paramedic.

Roy stopped polishing and tucked the cloth into one of the compartments before moving to join his captain in the office. "Yes sir."

"Have a seat."

Roy sat on the edge of the chair. He had no idea why he was called into the office unless Cap had heard Johnny's and his exchange of words the day before. He felt like a kid called to the principal's office. It never occurred to him that if he were in serious trouble Cap would have told him to close the door. He was too wrapped up in his own troubled thoughts to notice. He sat completely still waiting for the tongue lashing he knew he deserved.

Cap turned from the desk and looked at him. "Relax pal. I just have some forms for you to fill out in preparation for your promotion to engineer. It looks like that may be in the next few shifts…a month tops." He held out a folder of papers.

Roy reached for the folder with a shaky hand. "Next few shifts?" He said without thinking.

"That's right, you'll have you own rig in no time." Cap smiled.

"Thanks Cap, I'll get these filled out and back to you." Roy moved to stand.

"Listen Roy, I wanted to let you know how much we're all going to miss you around here. It's been a pleasure." Cap stood and extended his hand. "I know that Johnny will work well with whoever they send to replace you, but it goes without saying that the way the two of you work together has been an inspiration to the other teams in the department."

Roy took the offered hand and shook it. "Thanks. I…" He looked down at the floor. "I'm gonna miss it here. I…um I'll just go fill these out."

"Shift is almost over. Why don't you just take them home and bring them back next shift. They're really a formality anyway. The department has your information on file." Captain Stanley patted the paramedic on the back."Let's get some more coffee. I'm sure Johnny is wondering where his partner is."

Cap didn't see the frown that crossed Roy's face.

As Roy and Cap stepped into the bay Johnny came around the back of the engine. He hesitated for a second before proceeding across the bay whistling a happy tune. _'I'll be damned if I let him ruin a perfectly good day.'_ All three men reached the kitchen door at the same time. "Age before beauty." He teased as he waved the two others ahead.

"Watch it Gage." Captain Stanley smiled. "Roy may be leaving, but you're still stuck on my shift." He chuckled.

Roy and Johnny's eyes met for a split second before both averted them.

"That's alright Cap. Maybe I won't be the youngest guy on this shift anymore. It might be nice to be Senior Paramedic for a change."

Roy put the folder down on the table with a little more force than he meant to use. "Well John you never know. Your new partner may be a more mature man like your former partner."

The other three crew members seated at the table reading the paper looked up at the exchange of words and use of Johnny's given name. Roy called him Johnny or Junior, but rarely John unless Johnny was injured or Roy was angry.

"More mature huh?" Johnny stopped in mid pour. "That wouldn't be so bad. Hopefully he'll be single so we'll have something to talk about." He finished filling his cup and out of habit grabbed for another before stopping himself and putting the pot back on the burner. "We could even double date from time to time."

Chet elbowed Marco. "See what I mean." He whispered. Marco nodded.

Mike raised the paper back up and pretended to read while looking over the top at the two best friends. Something was terribly wrong and he figured it had to do with Roy's recent behavior. The thing that had the engineer worried was how it would affect their next few shifts until Roy moved to another station. The last thing they needed was for some of their crew to not have their head in the game. That could prove dangerous to them all.

"Or you could end up with Brice." Roy teased.

"Nah….Bob and him are made for each other." Johnny smiled and then sipped his coffee. "But I hope whoever it is likes to bowl. We could use another decent bowler on our team." With that last jab he turned and walked toward the door.

"Where are you going, Gage?" Chet asked.

Johnny stopped and looked over at the lineman. "What's it to ya?"

Chet shrugged. "Just wonderin'. I mean we're all here. I thought maybe Cap might want to talk to us or somethin'."

Johnny looked at Cap. "You need me?"

"No." Cap looked at Chet with a raised eyebrow.

Chet shrugged again. "Well I just thought…"

"Kelly if you get any weirder…." Johnny laughed as he disappeared into the bay.

Roy slid into a chair and pulled the folder closer. Sparring with Johnny was the last thing he wanted to do, but he knew he had brought this all on himself. He just didn't know how to fix it. He had to take the promotion…didn't he? He'd passed the test. He'd even done well on it. He flipped open the folder and looked at the papers inside. His career as a paramedic was fast nearing an end, and he felt like he was gonna be sick.

Captain Stanley took his coffee back to his office. Chet and Marco had moved to the dayroom to watch the morning news leaving only Mike and Roy at the table. Mike continued watching Roy over the top of the strategically placed newspaper.

"It's a lot to take in." Mike said as he lowered the paper to the table.

Roy didn't respond at first. It was as if his hearing was delayed. When it registered that Mike was talking to him he looked up. "Huh?"

Mike smiled and pointed at the folder. "A lot to take in."

Roy's eyes returned to the paper he held in his hand. "Yeah."

"Did Cap tell you when it might happen?"

"Few weeks or a month." Roy said with little enthusiasm.

"Wow...that soon?"

"That soon." Roy returned the papers to the folder and closed it.

"Listen Roy, I know you will make a wonderful Engineer. You don't do anything half way, but do you mind if I ask you a question?" Mike leaned forward and crossed his arms on the table.

Roy turned in his chair to face Mike. "Sure go ahead."

Always very direct, Mike simply asked what was on everyone's mind. "Is there a problem between you and Johnny?"

"No...no problem." Roy didn't usually lie, but he was hesitant to admit that he thought he had hurt Johnny's feelings. It wasn't very manly to discuss emotions. "Why do you ask?"

Mike chuckled. "Why do I ask?" He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest. Over in the dayroom Chet and Marco turned to listen to the exchange. "Maybe because you were in his face yesterday and this morning the two of you bickered like a married couple."

"Humph." Roy huffed. "Funny Stoker."

"No Roy, it's not funny. It's disturbing to the rest of us." Mike's voice rose. "You guys need to work out whatever it is that's going on. Your crew has to depend on the two of you to have our backs and each others. When you take over an engine you can't be distracted. The entire scene depends on the skills of the engineer and the Captain. If your head isn't in the game then we all lose."

Roy's anger began to resurface. He knew Mike was right, but he was too strung out on emotion to realize or admit it. "What the hell are you trying to say Stoker?" He rose from the chair.

Mike rose as well. "What I'm saying Desoto is that if you are not completely sure that this promotion is what you want then you need to give us all a break and turn it down."

Captain Stanley heard the commotion. He was surprised to hear Mike's voice as a part of the near shouting and knew if Mike was upset it was serious. He slid his chair back and hesitated to see if the shouting continued. Sometimes a good Captain had to let his crew work out their issues among themselves.

"What I do with my career is none of your business, Stoker. I have a stellar record with the department. That won't change, because I'm not a paramedic anymore." Roy's face was now red, and he took a few steps toward the engineer.

Mike stepped forward as well. "That's where you're wrong, Roy. It is our business. We've been friends for too long to watch you self destruct and take Johnny down with you."

"Johnny? Why is it always about him? This is my promotion. If he doesn't want to work with another partner he can resign. I don't care. This promotion is for me…for my family!" Roy got right in Mike's face. "And I don't need some hot shot engineer trying to psychoanalyze me. Back off!"

"Desoto! My office…Now!" Captain Stanley said as he stepped through the doorway. "Stoker…wait in the dorm."

Mike stepped back away from Roy at Captain Stanley's words. Roy remained standing rigid and staring at Mike.

"Desoto!" Cap called again.

Mike brushed past Roy and left the room. Roy took a shuddering breath and walked out of the room turning toward Captain Stanley's office.

Cap blew out a breath and met the shocked expressions of the two other men in the room. "Do either of you care to enlighten me as to what just happened?"

"We were watching the news and all of a sudden they were yelling at each other." Chet was quick to explain. "I don't know what's going on Cap, but it's got me worried." Marco nodded his agreement.

Roy walked into Captain Stanley's office and sunk into the chair. He knew his behavior was wrong. He was letting everyone down. He just didn't know how to stop himself.


	4. Chapter 4

The Let Down

Chapter Four

By GCS

Johnny crossed the bay for a second time only this time there was no whistling a happy tune. The situation with Roy had just gotten worse. He pushed open the locker room door so hard, it banged against the wall.

Damn. What was he doing? Things were getting out of hand. He was letting his anger get the best of him. Did he and Roy need to end their partnership by arguing? Roy was his best friend, and the best damned partner anyone could ever ask for.

Anger quickly dissolved into regret. The confidence and bravado he'd put on in front of the guys quickly dissipated leaving him weary.

The headache he'd been trying to hold off all morning was now causing a rising tympani driving him to his locker to find relief. Stopping in front of the locker he downed the rest of the brew; then stared into the empty cup thinking he felt just as empty.

After a few minutes, he put the cup down on the bench, opened his locker, and pulled his duffel bag open to dig for some aspirin the drum beat now progressed into a steady rat-a-tat-tat.

He searched until he found the half-empty bottle shaking his head as he opened it and poured two tablets into his palm. At this rate, he'd be done with this bottle before the end of the shift. Tossing the pills into his mouth, he grimaced at the bitter taste and quickly grabbed his coffee cup.

Crossing to the sink, he rinsed his cup and then filled it with water. Turning, he leaned back against the sink and rubbed at his temple. He looked at the door that led into the bay and thought about apologizing. But going back out to the kitchen was the last thing he felt capable of doing right now. Finishing his water, he turned and stared into the mirror.

'_Coward_.'

His friendship with Roy was going down the drain, yet he couldn't seem to stop it. His head pounded. Maybe he'd go lay down for a few minutes and to let his headache subside; and then, once it was gone, he'd go find Roy and apologize to him. And if Roy copped another attitude with him, he'd just deal with it.

He sat the cup on the small shelf that ran below the long mirror.

* * *

><p>Mike crossed the bay with long strides pushed the door into the locker room open with too much force and never slowed down when he repeated the same action with the door to the dorm. When the door slammed loudly against the doorstop the noise echoed in the room. Mike kept walking until he crossed the length of room and spun around on his heels to pace back the other direction. He was angry…really mad. "He's got no right to act like that!"He declared to the empty space rather loudly.<p>

That was the moment he saw Johnny laying in his bunk…his arm slung over his eyes. He was fully dressed and still had his shoes on. His feet were crossed at the ankles and by the slow rise and fall of his chest…he was asleep. "Damn." Mike whispered hoping he hadn't disturbed his friend.

He was still standing in the same spot when Captain Stanley burst into the room with as much force as Mike had a few minutes earlier. "Stoker, what the hell was that about?"

Mike looked up at his Captain with wide eyes. "Shhhh…" He placed his finger over his lips before lowering it to point at the sleeping man.

Captain Stanley stopped in his tracks and looked over at Johnny, and then back to Mike. The reasons behind Mike's actions were instantly clear. They all knew it…even Hank. Roy's leaving the paramedics was tearing both men apart.

Hank knew that was the hardest thing about the fire department's promotion protocol. Partnerships were born of good men and destroyed when those men decide to move up or move on. Inevitably one man is left behind and has to somehow pick up where things left off…only with someone else. It was much like a relationship when struck with divorce…there is always a victim, always the one who wants to stay together, but right at the moment Hank realized it was hard to say which of the two paramedics was the victim. Roy for moving up when they all knew it wasn't what he wanted...or Johnny for being left behind to pick up the pieces.

He looked back at Mike who raised an eyebrow in silent question. "Let him sleep."

Mike nodded his understanding. "Sorry Cap."

Hank took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "It's okay…things are pretty stressful right now. Just keep it together next time." Hank couldn't help the smile. He knew Mike was not normally confrontational. His record with the department was stellar. But now he had to figure out how to deal with Roy.

"Yes Sir." Mike said with sincerity. He knew his behavior was out of line, but sometimes a guy has to make sure the message gets across.

Hank took one last look at Johnny, turned and walked softly back the way he'd come.

Moving over to his bed; picking up the book he had left on the night stand, Mike made himself comfortable and turned to the bookmarked page. Somehow staying in the dorm seemed like the best option. Coming face to face with Roy after such a heated moment wasn't a good idea.

* * *

><p>Roy rose from the chair and slowly walked across the small office to the window where he stood looking out. He was so close that each breath fogged the glass, but his mind was too far away to notice. He wasn't really looking at anything in particular.<p>

The images in his mind occupied his thoughts, images of his wife and kids happily sending him to work on his first shift as engineer, and then of Joanne holding her hand out for the first check with his new raise. After-all that is what taking the test was about in the first place. Then came the images of Johnny being wheeled into Rampart unconscious from snake venom; barely clinging to life while he sipped coffee, not having been there when his partner needed him, and finally, the images of Mike's face filled with disappointment and concern.

* * *

><p>Hank rounded the back of the engine and stopped. There in the bay pretending to polish the engine and checking the nozzles was Chet and Marco. He walked up and leaned against the engine with his arms crossed. He knew they were only pretending, because both men kept glancing at Roy who they could see standing by the window. The protective nature he knew his men had for one another was in full swing. "Well?"<p>

Chet looked up from his perch on the engine's running board. "He's just standing there staring out the window."

Marco stopped rubbing the cloth in his hand over the same spot again and again. "What are we going to do Cap?"

Hank sighed. "I don't know." He pushed off the engine and leaned his neck from side to side trying to work out the tension.

"Everything okay with Mike?" Chet asked. Hank looked at him. "Um…I mean…I know it's none of my business, Uh Sir, but…um…"

"Relax Chet, he's fine."

"He's not in trouble?" Marco asked.

"No…not in trouble."

Chet stood and looked around suddenly realizing he hadn't seen Johnny. "Where's Gage?"

"Sleeping like a baby." Hank smiled.

Chet's eyes got wide and his mouth fell open. "Asleep! He slept through the whole thing?" He waved his arms wide in the air. "His partner's lost his mind and he's asleep! Unbelievable!"

Hank put a hand on Chet's shoulder. "This is hard on both of them."

"Yeah, I know Cap, but why isn't Johnny trying to talk Roy out of this?"

"I don't know Chet, but it may have something to do with his not wanting to interfere in an argument between Joanne and Roy. It didn't bode to well for him the last time he tried that." Hank turned…walked over to the office and closed the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Let Down**

Chapter Five

By GCS

After closing the door Captain Stanley stood watching Roy stare out the window for a few minutes before moving to his desk. "Have a seat, Roy." Roy didn't move. It was apparent that he hadn't even heard him speak. "Ahem."

Captain Stanley saw Roy flinch and regretted startling the man, but he had to get his attention somehow. "Have a seat." Roy sunk slowly into a chair…sitting at attention. "Now, can you explain to me what happened just now in the kitchen to cause two of the quietest of my men to be in a heated exchange?"

Roy shifted nervously careful not to make eye contact. "I'm sorry, Sir."

Hank thought Roy looked a bit like a kid in the principal's office, but he wasn't quite ready to let him off the hook. "Okay, continue."

Roy looked up and glanced away. "It's just…I mean…Mike…he…" He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "I don't know."

Hank leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head. "I think you do. Just take your time."

Roy sat back and tried to gather his thoughts before speaking again. Everything was such a mess…a mess he had caused. His best friend was avoiding him, his crew mates were upset with him and even he and Joanne were out of sorts. "I've made a mess of everything, Cap. I yelled at Johnny and said some things I shouldn't have. Joanne is ready to let me sleep on the sofa for the rest of our marriage, and Mike, Chet and Marco are wondering if they can trust me to have their backs. I thought getting promoted to engineer was what I wanted; what Joanne wanted. We need the money. But…" He ran his fingers through his hair. "But I don't know if it is the right thing."

Hank crossed his ankle over his knee and settled in to let Roy get all of his mixed up feelings off his chest. He remembered how scared he was when he passed the engineer's test. He remembered thinking how glad his wife would be when he gave her his first check to take to the bank like so many firemen's wives did, and how proud he would be to bring home more money. He also remembered how he thought he would miss hauling hose. Although, he also knew that the position of engineer held a great deal of responsibility for the safety of the crew, he also knew being a part of the line held a level of excitement and accomplishment that he would miss. Surely Roy would miss the paramedics, but life's filled with change. He would adjust just as others before him had.

"I mean… I know I may never be as good as Mike, but I will learn."

Hank smiled at the compliment for his engineer and waited for Roy's next words, but when no more came he lowered his foot back to the floor and sat forward resting his hands on his knees. "Change is hard." Roy looked up at him. "Real hard, but if you want to move up in the department engineer is the next step. You yourself said the extra money would help at home. I know it did when I moved up. If you're worried about Johnny…he'll adapt. He can work with anyone, and will be a great mentor to whoever he gets as a new partner."

Roy interrupted Hank at that comment. "So he's getting a new recruit?" His voice was laced with worry.

"Now, I didn't say that. Honestly, I don't know who will be assigned to him, but I do know he will work well with whoever it is."

"Yeah…yeah he will." Roy looked away again.

"What I also know is that you will be good at any job you decide to take."

"Thanks."

"You have to be committed 100% to the task. If you're not, then don't do it."

Roy looked up at that…Captain Stanley had just voiced the same concern as Mike had earlier "I will be. I am committed to it. I took the test didn't I? And passed it! I'll be promoted in the next few weeks." His face reddened.

"At ease, Roy." Captain Stanley held up a hand of silent gesture to let Roy know to stop the tirade before he let himself get out of control. "I don't doubt your conviction or your ability. What concerns me is the change in attitude and disruption it seems to have caused my crew."

* * *

><p>"Hey Mike!" Dwyer called as he walked into the dorm.<p>

Mike put his finger in front of his lips in a shushing motion.

When Mike darted his eyes toward Johnny's bunk Dwyer's followed. Then he quietly walked over to Mike. "He okay?"

Mike shrugged, "I think so, but that's how we found him…'bout an hour ago."

Dwyer smiled, "That why you're hold up in here…reading?"

Mike looked away. "No."

Dwyer could tell there was more to the story, but knowing how tight lipped Stoker was he knew better than to ask. "I'm first in today…."

Before he could continue the klaxons rang out through the station calling them to a structure fire.

Johnny sat up on the side of his bunk rubbing the sleep from his eyes before climbing to his feet and heading toward the squad.

Dwyer ran up beside Johnny, "You driving or am I?"

Johnny stopped and stared at Dwyer. Then he turned and looked around the bay for his partner. All the others were pulling on their gear and climbing into the engine. "Uh… I'm senior." He turned and walked around the back of the squad and climbed behind the wheel just as Cap handed the call slip through the still open door.

"You okay?" Cap asked him. Johnny met his superior's eyes and nodded. It was clear that Johnny was not one hundred percent, but if he said he was okay for the call then he would take him on his word. "Okay…let's roll."

The squad pulled out of the station first with the engine close behind…sirens alerting the oncoming morning traffic. Cars pulled to the side of the road to let them pass. Of the cars was a classic Porsche with a stunned paramedic behind the wheel.

When he left the station after Dwyer arrived he had thought their shift was all but over. Now he watched as his brothers passed him by on what might have been his last call at Station 51 if his promotion came in before their next rotation.

Without hesitation he pulled from the curb and followed in the wake of the red parade…careful not to speed, but pushing the little car as fast as the law allowed…maybe even a little faster.

It didn't take them long to get to the scene or for Roy to park a little ways down the street to watch. Mike pulled the engine to a stop and waited for Dwyer to pull the hose and loop it around the base of the hydrant.

Thick black smoke blanketed the sky above the deteriorating structure.

A crowd had gathered across the street. One man ran over to Mike as he stepped down from the engine. "They're still in there!"

Mike took him by the arm and led him around the engine to Captain Stanley. "Cap! This man says there are some people still inside." He calmly turned and walked back to the controls and motioned to Dwyer to turn on the hydrant. Chet and Marco already had a hose at the ready and waited for further instructions. The two paramedics ran up beside the man and their captain ready to go in.

"Gage, Dwyer…this man says there are two employees still inside, possibly second floor, left, third office on the right, make it quick."

Without hesitation the two men turned, ran toward the darkened doorway and disappeared inside. Chet and Marco were close behind with a fully charged hose offering as much support as they could until a second unit arrived.

Roy jumped out of his car and started walking toward the scene. If they needed him…

He stopped, ran his hand through his hair and turned back to the Porsche. Mike was already there…they didn't need another engineer.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Let Down**

Chapter Six

By GCS

Stepping into the building was like stepping into one of those haunted houses at the carnival. Nothing looked like it should.

Thick black smoke hung in the air distorting everything; making it nearly impossible to navigate their way through the entry and into the space beyond. Johnny led the way with Dwyer close behind, one hand resting on Johnny's shoulder keeping contact between the two rescuers, the other reaching into the blackness.

Both men hunkered low…as close to the ground as possible while still able to walk; trying to get below the curtain of black. Eerie crackling noises echoed into the haze, a sound any seasoned firefighter would recognize as the electrical wiring being severed by flames inside the walls while the current struggled to reconnect. Sparks flashed from outlets as the dying charges flew from the broken wires like a strobe light at a party. Sounds of falling debris intensified the knowledge that they needed to make this quick.

Halting his progress, Johnny turned and pointed a gloved finger at the door on his left and then motioned with the same gloved hand at himself and then the door opposite. He watched as Dwyer tilted his head in question. Johnny repeated the motions and moved toward his side of the hall all the while thinking Roy would have understood without any direction, but now was not the time to dwell on that. Right now he and Dwyer had to find the missing people and get the hell out of there.

Passing his gloved hand quickly across the door, Johnny knew it was safe to enter. Light filtered in the dirty office window casting ghastly images through the thick smoke onto the dilapidated furnishings inside. He moved quickly around the space, careful to check beneath the desk. He shook his head knowing that people often hid beneath heavy furniture as if it would somehow protect them from the fire eating away at the very structure they were in. Sure it would give them some protection from falling debris, but smoke inhalation tended to get to them long before the fire ever did. Realizing he didn't have time to dwell he moved away from the desk and over to the shadows behind the file cabinets.

After a quick sweep, Johnny returned to the hall, closed the door and crisscrossed an X on the surface. He then turned to meet Dwyer as he exited the office he had been checking. They both nodded indicating no victims had been found before moving further into the darkened hall.

As the two paramedics moved deeper into the abyss, the linesmen directed the spray after them while still sweeping the lobby where they waited. Chet and Marco had positioned themselves between the main entrance of the building and the beginning of the hall to preserve their escape. Chet had the HT at the ready if Johnny needed them to move closer.

Johnny felt the hairs on the back of his neck bristle.

The heat in the room changed.

The smoke pulled back into the walls.

He knew in an instant they were in trouble. He stopped and held his hand out in a stop and wait movement, but Dwyer didn't recognize the movements that Roy would have responded to immediately.

Outside Roy alternated from watching the flames shoot up the side of the building to Mike Stoker as he watched the flames, hoses, gauges, Cap and the movements of the other crews. It was a lot to take in, but not that different than treating several patients at once, getting vitals, splinting fractures, applying bandages all while talking to the hospital and keeping an eye on the scene. The similarities outweighed the differences; both jobs held the lives of others in their hands.

He wiped the sweat from his brow with his shirt tail; with a huge sigh he pushed off the hood of his car and turned to walk over to the driver's door. He'd seen enough and right now felt totally unneeded.

As he reached for the door handle a noise caught his attention. The sound was unmistakable. A resonating boom shook his car. Air rushed past him. He flinched and ducked his head as debris pelted the windshield of his car.

In a few seconds he was running up beside Captain Stanley who was in the process of calling for another squad. The radio dropped to his side. Another squad was at least twenty minutes away. When he saw Roy surprise and relief washed over his face. "Man I'm glad to see you. Suit up Roy. We've got two possible code I's."

"Johnny?" Roy asked breathlessly.

"And Dwyer. Partial collapse."

"Any communication?" Roy asked as he turned to take the extra turnout coat Mike Stoker had pulled from the engine.

"Not yet."

"Chet and Marco?"

"They're inside keeping the exit clear."

"Good." Roy swung the SCBA around to his back, secured the straps and took the HT Mike handed him. "We'll find them." He said as he moved toward the entrance.

As he half walked half ran to the darkened doorway, he slipped the mask over his face and only stopped long enough to tighten the strap of his helmet before disappearing into the thick haze.

The building continued to groan. Dust and ash floated down from the floors above like snow on a winter morning, quietly drifting and spreading like a blanket over the pile of debris below, and beneath, two firefighters tried to clear the fog from their minds.

Johnny tried to call out to Dwyer, but it came out as an unintelligible raspy moan. In his mind he'd called out. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried again. "Dwyer?"

"Yeah."

Dwyer's voice came from right beside him, but without any light trying to reach out to him was disorienting; the throbbing in his head didn't help either. "Where are you?"

"Right here."

Johnny felt a hand grip his elbow. "You okay?" Dwyer hesitated a little too long before answering. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong except we just had a building practically land on our heads." Dwyer's voice was laced with agitation. "What about you? Any injuries to report?"

"Nah, I'm okay."

"Sure you are, Johnny…we both are…or at least we will be when they dig us out of here."


	7. Chapter 7

**The Let Down**

Chapter Seven

By GCS

Dust floated in the tendril of light…ash, white from the intense heat that tore away all existence leaving only particles drifting in the smoky haze tickling his throat with every ragged breath and burning his eyes as he struggled to open them.

One moment he was making his way down the hall and the next…the next he lay half buried by the debris from the collapsed structure watching the dance of the ash in the small light that filtered through the cracks from a source somewhere that miraculously still burned.

His facemask had shattered and with every breath the particles dancing in the light seemed to move away and then pull back toward his face until they disappeared he coughed harshly sending sharp pain racing through his side…bruised ribs, he thought. He tried to move to a more comfortable position, but his legs wouldn't cooperate.

Turning his head this way and that he tried to see what was holding him hostage only to find out that the dust filled light didn't illuminate enough of the dark to allow him to see. He pulled his arm close to his body and gently…slowly felt down his side, across his hip and down his leg until he felt something strange. He pushed at it, but it didn't budge. Awkwardly, he tried again to push the object off his legs. Giving up he slid his hand back up to the buckle on his helmet. His other arm lay trapped beneath him and felt strangely numb. Unbuckling the helmet with one hand was a habit he had become expert at long ago, but his movements were sluggish making it take longer than normal. After twisting the strap this way and that, he finally got it loose and pulled the helmet off setting it to the side. Then he began working on the facemask. It wasn't any benefit broken, so he might as well get it out of the way; after that he could try to get the SCBA tank off. Then maybe he could get his legs free.

The efforts to get the SCBA off exhausted him. Getting his numb arm to cooperate had been difficult. Finally, he pushed the yellow can aside and stopped to rest.

The only sounds were his slow ragged breaths and the occasional rattling of shifting debris.

The lull in his attempts at freeing himself only gave him more time to feel the effects of the headache that had plagued him all morning. Now, along with it, he had more stiffness and even more aches. He had done a self assessment after his head had cleared and his arm had stopped having the stabbing sensations of millions of tiny prickles, and decided that he hadn't suffered any injury, or nothing more serious than a multitude of bruises. He hadn't blacked out…at least he didn't think he had. He wasn't trapped beneath the rubble. Well…he was trapped, but he didn't think any of the larger pieces had crashed down on top of him. He just had nowhere to go.

"You still with me, Johnny?" He could hear the muffled question and felt the nudge on his arm pulling him back from his mental debate.

It seemed confusing that Dwyer was there until he remembered it wasn't Roy who had gone in with him. "Um…yeah…still here…where else would I be?"

"Oh funny guy. Where else? I can tell you where else I would rather be."

"Yeah…me too." He said absently.

"Seriously, I've been trapped with you before. It's not like you not to try and find a way out as soon as the dust settles. Are you sure you're not hurt?" The truth was neither man had moved much since the collapse.

"Hasn't been that long." At least he didn't think it had. Maybe it had been longer than he thought.

"Been at least an hour."

"Yeah…I guess it has." An hour? He thought it had only been a few minutes. He just didn't have the energy to get up. He knew he needed to check on Dwyer, but he had said he was okay didn't he? And Dwyer was a paramedic, but he hadn't checked on him. Maybe everyone's worry about his ability as a paramedic after Roy's promotion was warranted. If he didn't think to check on his crew mates after a ceiling collapse, then maybe he wasn't as good as he had given himself credit for. He rubbed circular motions on his temple. Worry lines stretched across his forehead and a frown crossed his lips.

Smoke filtered into the darkness creating a gray haze that floated through the light and disappeared into the darkness like his beloved career dissipated in his mind.

He closed his eyes.

Roy pulled at boards and tugged at insulation and sheetrock until his arms ached; then he pulled away some more debris. There had been nothing from Johnny or Dwyer since the collapse. Either their HT was damaged or they were injured, or worse; that was not a thought he allowed to linger. They would find them. They had to.

"Hey Roy!" Chet hunkered near the floor with his face near a small opening. "I think I hear something…sounds like…yeah it…it's an alarm…it's an SCBA alarm! I think we're close, real close!" He pulled away another chunk making the opening slightly larger. "I think we can get through here."

Roy and Marco moved over next to Chet and listened intently. "I hear it too!" Roy began pulling at the debris around the opening. "We have to make this bigger. I need to get in there." The three men worked with renewed adrenalin.

"Johnny!" Chet called out. "Dwyer! Can you guys hear me?"

"In here!" Dwyer called back. "Hey Gage! The Calvary's here! Hurry up guys. We're out of air."

Johnny raised his head and opened his eyes squinting in the darkness towards where he thought Dwyer was. Then he lay his head back down. The continuous bleeping noise and yelling was not helping his headache.

When he opened his eyes in what he thought was just a few minutes he found himself looking into the eyes of his partner. "Roy?" He asked softly.

"Relax Johnny, we're gonna get you out of here in a few minutes. We just about have Dwyer freed." Roy looked over his shoulder at Chet and Marco's progress. "I don't know if his arm is broken or not, but other than that he's okay."

The lighting from flashlights was dim, but Johnny tried to see past Roy. "His arm?" he asked thinking Dwyer didn't tell him he was trapped, but then if he had gotten up and checked on him he would have known. The fact that his legs had been trapped was no excuse. He closed his eyes again. He had failed. He was exhausted.

"Stay with me Johnny. I need to know what's going on. Did you hit your head?"

Johnny sighed wearily. "No."

"Do you hurt anywhere?" Roy slid his hands down each of Johnny's arms and moved to his legs.

"No." Johnny swatted at Roy's hands. "I'm fine, Roy. Just need to get up." He pushed up trying to sit up. His legs were now free, but his body felt heavy and sore. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

"Hey, where do you think you're goin'"

Roy's hands on his chest felt like lead weights. "I'm gettin' up." Johnny squinted at Roy. "What are you doin' here anyway? You left the station before the run…didn't you?" Johnny coughed. The air was thick with smoke, and the dust that had fascinated him earlier was now nothing but an aggravation.

"Yeah…I did." Roy pushed his own mask to Johnny who took a few long deep breaths. "But when you guys passed me on the road I followed. I thought you might need my help."

That statement shot through Johnny like a spear. He glared at his friend. Even Roy thought he couldn't do the job without his help. Johnny pushed the mask back at Roy and moved to get up. "I'll see you outside." Once he got to his feet he swayed slightly. His head spun. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned a hand against the wall. Then hoping no one noticed he began a slow shuffle toward the hole that led to their escape.

"Johnny, wait!" Dwyer called to him. "We'll all go together." Johnny watched as they freed Dwyer's arm and he cradled it to his chest. "Let's go Roy. You can splint this outside."

"Is it broken?" Johnny asked him. "You never said you were trapped."

"You never said you were either." Dwyer moved past Johnny.

Johnny glared at Dwyer's back.

"You also never said you were sick." Dwyer said over his shoulder as Chet helped him duck through the exit.

"It's just a headache! Who wouldn't have a headache after half a building fell on 'em?" He waved his arm in the air causing his precarious balance to falter. He leaned more heavily on the wall and clenched his eyes.

"Hey Junior, let me help you." Roy said softly.

Johnny pulled away from Roy. "I can do it." He took a few steps. "Can't a guy have a headache? It's not like I didn't already have it before this run." Without thinking he had told them all he felt bad before the run.

"Come on John." Marco took his elbow. "Let's get out of here. I'm sure the fresh air will help your head."

Johnny nodded to Marco. He would accept his help, just not Roy's.

"I'll go first and then help you through." Marco slid through the opening and Johnny followed.

Johnny heard a slight shift behind him as he straightened. Marco pulled him forward just in time as the opening began filling in. "ROY!"


	8. Chapter 8

**I know this chapter is short after such a long wait, but it has in it exactly what I wanted. It just didn't take that many words. No worries though. I've already started Chapter Nine. Thanks for continuing to follow my story. I'm still working two jobs and time has been limited for my favorite past time. I hope to have more for you very soon.**

**The Let Down**

Chapter Eight

By GCS

The four men froze.

The passage they had just come through crumbled in on itself.

The deafening rumble faded to an occasional clatter of shifting debris.

And then silence filled the air… a suffocating wall of nothing.

It seemed to last forever, but in fact… only seconds.

Then they sprang forward… all at once, grabbing for anything that might lead to the opening that was there just seconds earlier, pulling at anything that might lead them back to Roy.

"ROY!" Johnny called again, hoping for a response; then he was overcome by a strangling cough.

"Engine 51, we've had another collapse, man trapped, possible code I."

"HT 51, copy. Report status of original code I's?"

"Gage and Dwyer are coming out. Lopez and I will continue search… request assistance in debris removal.

"10-4, assistance on the way."

Chet knew Johnny was glaring at him. Even in the darkness he could sense the betrayal Johnny felt and knew he would have given him a piece of his mind had it not been for the smoke and dust that made him cough again, but they were all aware that he and Dwyer needed to get to fresh air. Whether Johnny admitted it or not, they both needed medical attention.

"Come on Johnny, we need to get out of here." Dwyer pulled Johnny away from the digging with little resistance. Deep down he knew they had to. Their air packs were empty, and they had left them behind.

"We'll find him." Marco assured them.

Chet just returned to digging, knowing how hard it was to leave when the fate of friends remained unknown. At times like this, words just rolled off like water… never really soaking in. He also realized that finding Roy alive would be a miracle. The space Johnny and Dwyer had been trapped in was already small. It wouldn't have taken much to fill it in. Roy had nowhere to go to get away from the onslaught that probably buried him before he even realized what was happening. With sadness in his heart, Chet pulled at another piece of the wall that refused to budge. He dropped his chin and waited as Johnny and Dwyer followed the hose line away from earshot, and then he turned to Marco.

"We will find him, Chet."

"Yeah… but in what condition?" Chet hung his head, took in several breaths and looked back to his best friend. "Could he be alive?"

Marco looked to the wall and back to Chet. "He has to be."

Then the two returned to their efforts knowing that if Roy didn't survive, Johnny might not either. Roy had been off shift, but had still come to his rescue… a rescue that might have taken his life… a rescue that might have taken him away from his family… a family that Johnny loved as much as if they were his own flesh and blood. Could anyone live with themselves after that?

* * *

><p>They had been following the hose for a few minutes when Johnny felt his knees go weak. The buzzing in his ears that had started a few yards back now filled his hearing with white static, his peripheral vision had taken on a gray hue, and his chest ached with every breath. He sunk down to his knees and would have hit the floor had strong hands not caught him and pulled him back up. When he looked up he saw the concerned eyes of Captain Stanley. "Cap?" he managed to whisper croakily.<p>

"You okay pal?"

He blinked several times trying to clear his vision. "Y..Yeah. I.. I think so. Tired."

"I know. Let's get you out of here." Hank wrapped Johnny's arm around his shoulder and his around Johnny's waist almost lifting him off the ground. Together they continued following the hose into the morning light.

It took every bit of concentration and effort Johnny could muster to make his feet keep moving. The paramedic in him knew it was a combination of the intense heat and the trauma of being trapped that had him so weak. He hadn't really been hurt in the collapse, just trapped, but right now every muscle in his body rebelled against his need to continue on.

Once they stepped outside into the fresh air and sunshine, Johnny felt another set of hands wrapping his other arm over strong shoulders. In his mind's fog he recognized Mike's reassuring voice edging him on toward the bright yellow blanket set up beside the squad.

"Squad 10 should be here any minute."

Mike nodded as he slipped the oxygen mask into place. "Just breathe easy Johnny."

Johnny squinted up at Mike. "Dwyer?"

"He's right over there."

Johnny turned his head until he saw Dwyer nearby with another fireman helping him down. Dwyer shot him a thumbs up as a mask was slipped over his head. Johnny turned back to Mike. "Roy?"

"Not yet."

He closed his eyes, laid his head back and breathed in the cool oxygen. Then he opened them again and reached out to grip Mike's arm. "Not leaving without Roy."

"Yeah… I know…" Mike patted his knee.


	9. Chapter 9

**The Let Down**

**Chapter 9**

**By GCS**

Roy had his hand on the debris wall; his head bent down to pass through the opening Johnny had just gone through when he felt it shift. He pulled his hand back as though he'd been burnt. In a matter of seconds he knew his fate. Even in the small beam of light from his flashlight, he could see the shifting. He scrambled backwards to the other side of the small space and slammed hard against the wall trying to get away. He knew he had nowhere to go. In the next few minutes he would be buried.

But when he pushed hard against the wall he didn't stop like he thought he would. He didn't stop until he hit hard on the tiled floor. His flashlight landed nearby and was quickly covered in sheetrock and lumber. The air in his lungs came out in a whoosh and pain radiated from his back where he landed on his air tank. He looked up to the ceiling. A glowing beam of light from somewhere cast eerie shadows across the ceiling. A crack began inching its way toward where he lay.

Instinctively, Roy rolled to the side and scrambled to his feet. If that crack moved faster than he could, he might still be buried. The lack of oxygen in his starved lungs left him weak and a bit disoriented. He ran his hand along the wall trying to steady himself as he rapidly progressed down the dark hallway. When the wall changed he knew he was at a door. He fumbled for the doorknob and found it unlocked. Pushing his way through the door he quickly slammed it shut and leaned against it trying to catch his breath. A loud rumble shook the door he leaned against. Roy knew the crack in the ceiling had caught up with him. He hoped the still standing wall that held the door separating him from the hallway would remain upright. The vibrations grew in strength as the ceiling crumbled down along the path of the crack until it slammed against the door.

He was trapped again.

The room was dark. There were no windows. If there were any other doors he couldn't tell. Putting his hands out and taking a few steps, Roy began investigating this new space. He stubbed his toe on a desk and nearly tripped over the chair. He somehow managed to cross the room until he fell onto a sofa against the far wall. That's when he heard a muffled cough to his left. He felt along the sofa until he reached the arm. "Hello, is someone there?"

"Yeah, can you get us out of here?" The voice in the dark asked. "My secretary can't stop coughing."

Roy got down on one knee, so he would be closer. He slipped off his helmet and face mask. "Here put this on." He reached out until he felt a small hand touch his. "Take a few breaths, and then let your boss have some. Is there another door?"

"Yeah, but it's locked. We couldn't get it open. It's locked from the inside. I…um…I must have locked it by accident when we heard the fire alarm."

"Where is it?" Roy asked as they handed him back his mask.

"Just here beside us."

"Are there any windows in that office?"

"Yes."

Roy moved over to the door and pried it open with his halligan. Light filtered in around the curtains that allowed Roy to see the two people huddled beside the sofa. "Come on." He held out his hand and helped the petite woman up from her crouched position. The three moved into the office and Roy closed the door. "Stay here." He told them. Then he moved over to the window, pulled back the curtain and looked for something to break the window with. He grabbed a chair and slammed it into the glass sending shards bursting out onto the parking lot. He took his helmet and cleared as much of the jagged edges away as he could. "Let's go."

Craig Brice grabbed the bio-phone and drug box and trotted over toward Johnny and Dwyer. Mike stepped away from the engine with intentions on stopping Craig from getting near Johnny, but Captain Stanley beat him to the punch. "Craig, you and Bob need to check on those people over there."

"But what about Gage and Dwyer?" Craig asked.

"Civilians first." Stanley pointed.

"Yes sir, of course." Craig turned toward the group of civilians. That's when he noticed another squad already assessing those people. "Um Captain Stanley, there seems to already be ample assistance over there. I think it would be advisable for Bob and myself to check on Gage and Dwyer."

"Brice, are you questioning my judgment?"

"Uh… no… no sir."

"Good, because Mike here has Gage and Dwyer's care under control. Neither of them is seriously injured."

"Right." Craig turned again to make his way over to where Bob had already begun working on getting vitals.

Captain Stanley raised the radio up speaking orders to the crews when he saw a fireman and two civilians come around the corner. The fireman was supporting the woman and had his facemask over her face. "Brice!" Hank pointed in the direction of the three. "Come with me."

Craig stopped in his tracks and turned. He sat the bio-phone and drug box down and trotted over to Roy. "What've you got Desoto?"

Roy coughed deeply before he could answer. "Smoke inhalation. No other seen injuries. No time to take vitals."

Craig took over supporting the woman and handed Roy back his facemask. "If you would come with me, I'll get you checked out and to the hospital if necessary." Roy started to follow Craig when he spotted Dwyer sitting over by the engine, and someone lying on a yellow blanket that he guessed was his partner. He shifted directions.

"You okay?" Mike asked him as he neared.

"Yeah, just a little smoke, and a few more gray hairs." Roy chuckled. "How's he doing?"

"Just a little smoke, and from what I can tell… one hell of a headache." Mike went back over to the engine and made an adjustment on the gauges.

"Hey Dwyer, you doing okay?"

"Sure… Just waiting on a ride." Dwyer held up his splinted arm.

Roy knelt down next to Johnny and reached for his wrist to get a pulse like he'd done so many times before.

Johnny squinted up at the shadow of someone trying to grab his arm. He jerked his arm away and pulled the blankets closer. He pulled the oxygen mask off. "Don't."

Roy smiled and pulled at the yellow blanket. "Come on, Junior. You know I'm going to do this."

Johnny looked more closely at the shadow.

Roy moved so that Johnny could see his face. "Now give me your wrist."

The corner of Johnny's mouth spread upward in a grin. "What took you so long?" He asked as he stretched his arm out giving Roy access.

"Ran into a few detours." Roy looked at his watch and counted. "Found the victims."

Johnny's eyebrow arched.

"They're okay. Brice is checking them out." He pulled the BP cuff off of Johnny's arm and rolled it up tucking it back into the drug box; then he tucked Johnny's arm back under the blanket and replaced the oxygen mask. "You'll live."

"Thanks." Johnny grinned.

"How's the headache?" Roy asked.

"Better."

"Okay, but you're on the next bus. Dwyer too."

Johnny pointed at Roy's chest. "Yeah… I'm coming."

"K, then I'll go." Johnny stated. He'd waited for Roy. They still had to work some things out, but for now he was just glad Roy was okay.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Let Down**

**Chapter 10**

**By GCS**

Roy pushed open the door to treatment room 5 and looked into the dimly lit space beyond. The bright lights from the hall spread enough illumination to see the deep bruising on his partner's back. Knowing that Johnny always slept on his back, yet he now lay on his side, served as testament to the severity of the bruises. SCBA tanks pummeled with debris could do that. Not wishing to disturb his partner, Roy slipped back into the hall and slowly let the door close. He stared at the floor tiles as he made his way to the lounge to wait.

Dwyer came into the lounge with a thud of his newly casted arm banging against the door. "Damn that hurt," he spoke to his arm before realizing there was another person in the room. "Oh, sorry Roy, I didn't know you were in here." He stopped and looked over at Roy. "Earth to Roy." Dwyer reached for a coffee mug, but stopped before filling it to glance over at the still silent man. He watched as the paramedic stared into his empty mug. "More coffee?" Dwyer asked as pulled the mug from Roy's grasp.

The moving of the cup was the only thing that got Roy's attention. "Wha…? Oh, yeah."

"More coffee it is." Dwyer filled Roy's cup, slid it back across the table and sat in the chair opposite. "So, how's Gage?"

Roy slid the now full coffee mug over, turned it and hooked his finger into the crook taking time to think of an acceptable answer. "Haven't seen him yet."

That simple statement set off alarms in Dwyer's head. Everyone in the department knew of the closeness between those two. The things that he had witnessed today screamed of trouble between best friends. "Listen, I know it's none of my business, but what's going on between you and Johnny?"

Roy picked up his mug, slowly raising it to his lips and taking a quick sip. It was still too hot to drink. He sat the mug back on the table and looked over at Dwyer. He thought about denying that there was a problem, but decided against it. Truthfully, he wasn't sure he had an answer. He huffed a laugh that didn't quite come out as one, "I'm not really sure myself." Dwyer leaned back in the chair raising it up on two legs much like Johnny would do. A smile made its way across Roy's face. "One of these days you're going to fall over backwards."

"Nah, never happen." Dwyer laughed, but he lowered the chair. His balance was a little off with the newly casted arm. The last thing he needed was to break the carefully set bones again. He took a few drinks from his now warm coffee before sliding back from the table and rising. "Well, I think my ride should be here by now. Tell Gage to take it easy, and if there's anything…" He stopped before finishing the sentence and sort of waved his good hand. "Well, you know. See ya."

Roy watched Dwyer exit the lounge. Then he downed his own cup of coffee. Slid his chair back and put both cups in the sink. It was time to talk to his partner.

Back in the dimly lit treatment room, Johnny lay on his side starring at the wall. He knew people had been in and out of the room to check on him. They tried their best to be quiet and not disturb him. They thought he was sleeping. The muscle relaxer Brackett had given him to alleviate the tension in his neck and back should have knocked him out, but he was too wound up for it to have that effect. No stranger to bouts of insomnia, he hadn't slept well in over a week, ever since Roy had passed the engineer's exam. It wasn't so much that Roy had passed the test and would be moving on. Something just didn't seem right. Roy didn't seem to be happy about the transition. Not really.

Outside the door Dr. Brackett, Dixie and Dr. Early were discussing that very thing. "He looks like hell." Brackett said as he glanced at the closed door.

"He said he hasn't been sleeping well."

"I know that, Joe, but he's lost weight too."

"He has." Joe crossed his arms. "But then that is normal when something is weighing on him. You know that."

"Doctors," Dixie put a hand on the arm of each man. "The object of Johnny's worries is headed this way. Maybe he can shed some light on what is going on between them."

Kel looked at Dixie with his eyebrow raised, "What makes you think Johnny's problems are about Roy?"

Dixie sighed, "Because he's leaving."

Joe uncrossed his arms. "Is Johnny mad at Roy for his promotion?"

Dixie nodded her head and muttered under her breath, "Men!" She put her hands on her hips. "No, he's not mad. He's second guessing, and Roy is taking his uncertainty out on his best friend; probably Joanne and the kids too."

The two doctors looked at Dixie with open mouths and simultaneously they spoke, "What?"

Dixie smiled, "Just tell Roy what's going on with Johnny, and see what his reaction is." She turned her attention to the paramedic as he neared. "How're you feeling mister?"

Roy smiled, "I'm okay, Dix."

"Good." She patted his arm as she slipped away. "That's good."

"Hey doc, how's Johnny doin'?" Roy looked to Dr. Brackett.

Kel exchanged looks with Joe, "Well, that is what I would like to talk to you about."

"What's wrong? Was he hurt worse than I thought?"

"No… no, you were right about your assessment today. But there's something going on with him. He said he hasn't been sleeping."

Roy scratched the back of his head. "Well, he has had insomnia before." Roy got a sinking feeling in his gut. He knew that Johnny's insomnia usually revolved around something that was bothering him. Once whatever was bothering him was settled, Johnny could sleep like a baby.

"He's exhausted and he's lost weight." Joe added. "It has us a little concerned about his ability to work. He's vulnerable."

Roy's eyes widened. "It's that bad?"

"Not yet, but it could quickly reach that point." Kel gripped Roy's shoulder. "Do you have any idea about what might be going on? Is he in some financial trouble?"

"No," Roy shot off a rapid response. "Doc, you know Johnny better than that. Johnny is great with money. We practically have to pry it out of his hands to pay for meals at the station."

"Okay, then what?" Kel crossed his arms. "There has to be something going on. I just thought maybe he'd had some trouble."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout." Roy looked at his shoes. "I don't know what's going on with him. We haven't exactly been talking. But, that's why I came down here. I wanted to talk to him before I left. Is he going to be admitted?"

"No." The response came from behind the three men who spun around to face the direction it came from. "He's not being admitted."

"What are you doing up?" Brackett reached for Johnny's arm. The man should be knocked out from that dose of medication.

Johnny stepped out of Brackett's reach. "You yourself said it was just deep bruising. I've had enough oxygen to clear my lungs, and I don't have an IV or a fever. There is no reason for you to admit me. Is there?"

Kel looked to Joe who chose to answer, "No, Johnny, there is no reason to admit you, but you've had a significant does of muscle relaxers."

"And I will go home and relax." He spun on his heel and reached for his turnout pants. "I'll just get a ride."

"Joanne and I can take you." Roy chimed in. Kel shot him an annoyed look. Roy shrugged. "He has to have a ride."

Johnny grabbed his turnout coat and slipped it on over his bare chest leaving it open; grabbed his shirt and undershirt wadding them with his fist. "Okay, where's Joanne?" He sounded angry. He was more than ready to go. When he heard voices outside his treatment room, he had gotten up and moved closer to hear what they had been discussing. When he realized it was him and with Roy, rage gripped his emotions. If the muscle relaxer hadn't slowed his reaction time he might have pulled the door from its hinges. Riding with Roy and Joanne only served to make him angrier, but at the moment it was his only option.

Roy took a step backwards. He hadn't seen Johnny this upset in a long time, probably since before the Paramedic bill passed.

"Joanne is right here." Not knowing what was going on she unknowingly stopped the explosion that was about to happen. "Are my boys ready to go?" She hugged Roy before stepping over to give Johnny a peck on the cheek.

Johnny shot a glance at Roy and without words let him know this was just a ride. He was still glad Roy was okay; they did need to talk, but Roy acting like he didn't know what was going on between them had tipped the scales back to the side of anger, and Johnny was boiling.


	11. Chapter 11

**The Let Down**

**Chapter 11**

**By GCS**

Johnny pushed past the group and headed toward the exit. He didn't speak to anyone or glance their way when they moved aside to let him pass. His rage blinded him to anything except the path to freedom. A team of paramedics rushed in with a stretcher; one man riding on the rails performing compressions while the other raced behind administering life saving breaths of oxygen into starved lungs, Johnny simply sidestepped and continued outside stopping only when he found himself staring at the parking lot. He didn't know where Joanne had parked leaving him looking fixedly into a sea of multicolored cars, and that only added to his frustration; the grip he had on his shirts tightened while he waited.

The waiting seemed to take forever. He wanted to go. The bravado he'd started out with was fading leaving him drained and a bit unsteady, of course that damned shot Brackett had given him wasn't helping.

When Roy and Joanne finally exited the ER they found Johnny standing with his back to the door. He stood so straight and still that Roy thought he looked like a statue or one of those carved Native American poles. He almost chuckled at that thought. Almost, but nothing was funny about the way Johnny stood staring.

A paramedic squad was backing in, so they waited out of the way. "Hey Roy," Gil Robinson spoke as he rounded the rear of the squad to collect the bio-phone and drug box from the back of the ambulance where his partner had left them. He leaned his head in Johnny's direction with a raised eyebrow in question. Roy simply shrugged. "Hello Joanne." He motioned to Roy's uniform. "You guys are working late."

"Yeah we had a last minute call."

"What're you doin' here? Somebody get hurt?"

Roy glanced at Johnny and back to Gil, "Johnny and Dwyer were in a collapse. I got stuck in another one. We're all okay except for some bruises; Dwyer broke his arm."

"Well if that's the worst of it." Gil nodded. "Guess I better get movin'." He closed the squad compartment. "Take it easy. See ya Johnny." He called as he disappeared into the automatic doors. Johnny didn't respond.

Roy and Joanne stood for a second, both wondering what to do next, and both looking at Johnny's back. They saw him sway slightly and catch himself. Roy reached out to steady his friend, but Joanne caught his arm and pushed it back down. She nodded to her husband. She had only seen Johnny this angry once before and nothing anyone tried to do had helped. It was best they just let him work through it in his own way. "Okay boys," Joanne coaxed. "The car is over here." She led the way around the squad toward the visitor parking. Johnny fell in step behind the couple without a word.

When they reached the station wagon, Johnny slid in the backseat behind Joanne and turned his gaze out the window. He felt a yawn trying to escape, but he forced it back down. He did not want Roy to see how tired he was. He knew he was fading fast. He'd felt this kind of exhaustion before. The kind where he couldn't keep his eyes open no matter how hard he tried. He kept the white knuckled grip on his shirts willing his body to cooperate and stay alert until he could get back to his place.

Joanne glanced in the rear view mirror as she turned the ignition key. She could see the weariness in Johnny's face. She knew he was struggling to stay awake. She also knew the tension hung so heavy in the air between her two favorite men that she could cut it with a knife. Without a word she put the car in reverse, turned and headed down the row of cars.

Roy stared out the windshield for a few minutes before glancing over his shoulder at Johnny. The man was so quiet, unnaturally quiet. He couldn't even hear him breathing, a talent Johnny claimed he'd learned from his ancestors in order to be a successful hunter. He turned back to the front before Johnny could see him looking. His partner's stubbornness was exasperating at times; this was one of those times. Clearly the man was about to pass out, clearly he was hurting…well maybe not so much after Brackett insisted on something to help him relax, but he had to be exhausted. What the hell difference would it make to admit when you are so tired you can't keep your eyes open? Roy balled his fist and pounded it against his knee. Joanne reached over and halted the assault he attempted on his leg.

Johnny knew Joanne and Roy were talking, but when the words reached his ears all he could hear was buzzing. He blinked slowly. His head bobbed. He watched the fog from his breaths spread on the glass and disappear again, but he couldn't figure out why it seemed to fascinate him or why he cared why. His steadfast grip on the shirts was not near as tight. His hand hurt. He hoped that concentrating on the soreness of his hand would keep him grounded. The fogginess in his brain made him forget to concentrate. Confusion replaced anger. Sleep replaced wakefulness.

"I think he's asleep." Joanne said as she watched Johnny's head finally come to rest against the window. "I have to pick up the kids. I hope he's okay with our house."

"He doesn't have a choice." Roy said emphatically. "There is no way we're taking him to his place and leave him alone."

"I know that, Roy, but he is a grown man. I don't know what has gotten in to you the past few days mister, but you better figure it out." Joanne glanced at her husband. "The last thing you want to do is leave 51's with everyone mad at you."

"Mad at me? What have I done? All I've done is my job. I shouldn't have even been in that fire today! I had been relieved of shift. Dwyer was there in my place. The call came in at shift change. I was on the way home." Roy's tirade ended abruptly when he realized he'd just admitted to his wife that he risked his life out of choice today. Of course he chose to do it on the job all the time, but off duty was another thing. He could see the hurt on her face. He'd said way too much.

"We'll discuss this later." Joanne stated softly as she turned the car into the drive. "Right now we need to get Johnny to bed. I have to pick up the kids. I'll get the door unlocked while you get your partner." She slid from the car without looking at her husband.

Roy rubbed his hand over his face. He knew he'd screwed up again. Hopefully his transfer would come before their next shift. If he had to work another shift with Johnny or face another day in limbo with Joanne, he was afraid he might make a mistake that would leave him alone with no wife or friends…especially his best friend. He climbed out of the car and walked around to Johnny's door, carefully opened it and caught his friend as his limp body followed the door. "Okay Junior, let's get you into the house."

Johnny felt his body lurch sideways and tried to grab onto something to stop his fall. What he managed to grab onto was Roy's arm. He blinked up into his best friend's face and tried to right himself enough to get out of the car. "W…wh…where we…your place?" He stood shakily with Roy mostly supporting him. "Why?...tho…thought…I wanted to go home."

Joanne held the door open for them to pass through. "I know Johnny, but we had to stop here. I have to pick up the kids. You won't mind staying here while I get them will you?"

"Kids?" Johnny looked at Joanne with glassy eyes. "Okay." He shuffled past. When he had managed to get into the house he tried to brush Roy's hand off his shoulder. He was supposed to be mad at Roy. At least he thought he was. Roy held on and guided Johnny down the hall, helped him into the spare room and turned to leave without a word, closing the door as he left. Johnny sat heavily on the bed, dropped his shirts on the floor and stretched his hand to work out the stiffness. Then he lay back on the bed to rest a minute before taking off the rest of his gear. Sleep claimed him immediately.

"Did you get him some sweats?" Joanne asked when Roy returned to the kitchen a few minutes later heading for the refrigerator and a cold beer.

"He's a grown man." He stated as he popped the top.

"I can't believe you."

"Why? Because I didn't baby him?" Roy's voice rose. "You yourself told me he was a grown man. Well grown men can dress themselves…can't they? Besides, you saw him try to push me away. He doesn't want my help."

"Roy." Joanne uttered a one word plea for her husband to see that his actions were wrong. She knew he cared about Johnny, but she also knew how stubborn both men could be. She sighed deeply. She didn't have time to deal with this right now. Her children would be waiting on her. She was running late already. "At least check on him in a few minutes. I'll be back."

Roy watched Joanne hurry out the door. He slammed back the beer, draining it, and reached into the fridge for another.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Let Down**

Chapter Twelve

By GCS

Roy slammed the refrigerator door and moved to pop the top on his second beer as he heard Joanne's car back out of the drive. He lowered his hand and looked at the beer he held; he let out a heavy sigh. This was not who he wanted to be. Coming home and drinking to oblivion was not in his nature. The last thing he wanted was for his kids to come home and find him drunk or passed out with empties around his recliner. Sure he drank on occasion after a bad day, to celebrate with friends or toast a fallen brother, but never to get drunk…never because of anger. He turned back to the abused appliance and gently opened the door returning the beer to the shelf. Instead he turned to the coffee pot and started a fresh pot. It had been a long night, but if he slept now he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

When the brew started its cycle, Roy turned and made his way down the hall to check on his friend. He slowly opened the door and looked through the crack. Johnny was sprawled half on and half off the bed. It looked like he had lain back for a minute before taking off his gear and fallen asleep. Roy pushed the door the rest of the way open and leaned against the door frame. The curtains blew softly in the wind from the window Joanne had opened. Johnny loved to sleep with the window open, but this was an unseasonably cool day. He had to be chilled.

Roy pushed off the door frame and walked over to stand by the bed. "Johnny?" After a few attempts to wake him up, Roy knelt and took off Johnny's boots; then he stood and pulled him into a sitting position. He was dead weight. Roy shifted, tugged and pulled at the turnout coat until finally it fell on the bed. Next, the pants had to come off. They smelled of soot and smoke…not to mention they were stiff and very uncomfortable to sleep in. "Come on Junior." Roy pulled Johnny up. Johnny leaned limply against him and rested his head on Roy's shoulder. That moment of intimate contact brought a smile. "I hope nobody finds out about this." Roy chuckled.

It was when he stood Johnny up that Roy got his first really good look at the bruising that spread down his back about the width of an air cylinder. "Wow, Junior, you really did a number there." He said in his friend's ear. Not that Johnny heard him, but somehow talking about it made Roy feel better. He reached for the sweats he'd grabbed from the laundry on the way down the hall. He lowered Johnny back to the bed and slipped first one foot and then the other into the legs, pulled them up as far as he could; then pulled Johnny back up to finish the job. Then he lowered his friend carefully so as not to hurt his back, pulled his legs up onto the bed and pulled the covers up. Johnny rolled over on his side toward the window. Even in sleep his back must have hurt. "Rest easy Junior, and then we're going to have a talk."

A gust of wind rustled the curtains and rattled the screen; the slow pitter, patter of rain drops echoed into the darkened room. Dampness permeated the air. A clap of thunder woke the sleeping inhabitant.

Johnny rolled onto his back forgetting the soreness until he flinched with recognition. He slowly turned back onto his side and blinked at the flashing lightning outside. It was dark. The house was quiet. He sighed. Joanne had not woken him to take him home as promised. He knew she had tricked him into staying at their house. He couldn't help the anger that brewed inside. He didn't want to be angry with her. He knew she really cared about him. It was Roy he should be angry with, but harboring ill feelings toward his friends wasn't in his nature. It ate away at him and left him hollow.

Johnny got up slowly and made his way to the hall bath. He waited until the door was closed to flip on the light. Seeing his reflection in the mirror, he knew he had slept hard. He even had wrinkles on his cheek from the pillow. He turned on the tap and washed his face with cool water. If he wanted to make it home he had to be fully awake.

Returning to the spare room he looked in the closet for the extra tennis shoes he'd left there for helping Roy with the grass. Since they wouldn't be partners anymore, Roy probably would find a new friend to help out. Chris was getting older. It was time he started learning to help anyway. He slipped into the turnout coat to help against the rain, and gathered the rest of his gear. He tucked the turnouts into one boot and his shirts into the other. Then he quietly made his way to the front window to see if anyone had brought his Rover over. It wasn't parked out front so he would have to call a taxi.

With the phone call made and a rendezvous at the filling station a couple of blocks over, Johnny left.

Morning brought with it more thunder storms. Roy groaned when he realized that his yard work plans for the day would be delayed. He could smell the coffee Joanne had started in the kitchen. A quick shower and shave and he was ready to greet his lovely wife.

"Good morning." He whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close.

"Good morning." She giggled loving the feeling of waking up with her husband at home on his days off. "I made French toast casserole."

"Mmmmm I can smell it." He nuzzled her neck. "Is it ready or…" he left the sentence hanging as he kissed the back of her neck causing her to giggle some more.

"It's ready. Besides, we still have company."

"Oh yeah, is he up yet?"

Joanne looked toward the kitchen door. "I haven't seen him. He's slept a long time. I know Dr. Brackett gave him something to relax him, but do you think he's alright?"

"He's fine sweetheart. Yesterday was rough. I'm sure he was just tired." Roy followed her gaze to the doorway. "If it will make you feel better, I'll go check on him."

Joanne smiled. "Well breakfast is ready." She turned toward the table with a large casserole dish. "Why don't you get your partner, and I'll get the kids."

Just as they were about the leave the kitchen Jennifer came around the corner with tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Roy knelt down and scooped her up into his arms.

"You promised." Jenny whined.

"What did I promise?"

"You promised we could see Uncle Johnny this morning if we were good and played quiet last night. You promised daddy."

"You can." Roy hugged his daughter.

Jennifer pulled back from the hug. "Where is he?" She sniffed. "He's not in his room."

Roy looked at Joanne and back toward the hall. After Joanne had placed the dish in the center of the kitchen table he handed Jennifer to her and without a word left the kitchen in search of his partner. When he entered the spare room he found the window secured and the bed made. There was no evidence Johnny had ever even been there. Roy slumped against the doorframe. He knew he didn't deserve to be mad. They had after all tricked Johnny into staying. He knew he had been a jerk to his best friend. What did he expect Johnny to do? He knew he would have done the same thing. He pulled the door to and went back to the kitchen.

"Well?" Joanne asked. Jennifer and Chris were now seated at the table ready to eat.

"He must have woken in the night and left for home." Roy scratched his head. "I'll…uh I'll check on him later this morning. He might be sleeping. Let's eat."

Jennifer sniffled.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. Daddy didn't mean to fib. It's just that Uncle Johnny didn't know you and Chris were so good last night so you could play with him. If he'd known I'm sure he would have stayed just to see you." Roy doubted anything would have kept Johnny there, but he wouldn't hurt his daughter's feelings anymore than they had already been.

"Eat your breakfast." Joanne urged her kids. "Maybe Uncle Johnny will feel better this afternoon. We can invite him for dinner."

"Yeah, I probably need to take him by the station to get his truck anyway." Roy said softly. He thought Johnny had probably already picked it up, but the kids didn't need to know that either.

"Okay daddy. We'll call him after breakfast." Jennifer smiled around a big bite of casserole. She loved French toast casserole. "Right after we eat."

"After we clean up." Joanne corrected.

Jennifer's smile faded a little, "Yes Ma'am."

"Hey dad," Chris put his fork down. "Can Uncle Johnny help me with my swing this afternoon? I struck out last game, and the coach said I need to practice. Uncle Johnny is real good at batting."

Roy felt a little jealous at Chris' wanting Johnny to help him, but he was right Johnny was good at baseball. "I'm sure he will, son, if his back isn't too sore." Chris smiled, picked up his fork and took a huge bite.

"Roy?" Joanne asked a few moments later. Roy looked up from his plate and noticed that everyone else had finished and their plates cleared. "What are you thinking about?"

He smiled at his wife's intuition. "Nothing much."

"Uh huh." Joanne crossed her arms.

Roy nodded his head. "Okay." He held his hands up in surrender. "I was thinking about how I can fix things with Johnny. For him to slip away in the middle of the night like that, he must really be upset with me."

"And?" She pressed.

"And he has every right to be." Roy slumped into his chair.

"And?" Joanne pushed a little further.

"And so do you?" Roy said with a hint of questioning in his voice.

Joanne remained standing with her arms crossed and her head tilted slightly to one side a blank look on her face. She was waiting for the apology she knew she deserved.

"Look Jo, I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting. I guess leaving the Paramedics is a lot harder than I thought it would be." He held up a hand as she started to say something. "Don't get me wrong. I know it is what we need. I know the extra money will be worth the move, but I love what I do. I am going to miss it. Moving up, leaving Johnny and the squad to someone else is like…like…" He didn't finish. If he told her it was like a divorce it might hurt her feelings, and he'd done enough of that already.

"Like the end of a relationship." She said knowingly. "Roy, Johnny is your best friend…"

"I'm not so sure anymore." He broke in. "Not after the way I've been treating him."

Joanne smiled. "One thing I do know for sure is that Johnny is your best friend whether you want him to be or not. Yes, he's hurting, because of the way you've been behaving, but he will always be a part of this family. Nothing you do could change the way he feels in his heart, nothing." She wrapped her arms around her husband and pulled him close. "And another thing mister, nothing you could do will ever make me stop loving you." She kissed the top of his head. "Now, why don't you help me finish this kitchen, and then you can call your partner and invite him for dinner. I think the two of you have some things to discuss."

"We do. I was planning on talking to him when he woke up, but he…" Roy waved his hand toward the door.

"Never mind that now." Joanne said as she handed Roy his dirty plate. He smiled and got up to help.

Johnny finally made it back to his place. Stopping at the station for his Rover had not been such a good idea. He had to go inside to get his wallet to pay the cabbie. His keys were inside which meant the only way he could get inside was to ring the bell. It was early, and he knew the crew would still be sleeping. He pressed the bell and leaned against the brick wall waiting for the tongue lashing the Captain would give him once he saw who was there.

"Gage?"

"Yes sir. Uh, sorry sir. I need to get to my locker to pay the cab driver and collect my keys." He gave explanation as he came through the door. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"Relax, we just got back from a run. Squad's still out. How's your back?"

"It's okay. I'll just get my stuff." Johnny walked across the bay to the locker room. He paused before pushing open the door. He could hear voices inside. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to anyone, but he had to hurry. The cabbie was waiting.

"Hey Gage!" several voices called out. "How's the back?"

Johnny smiled. "Good…it's good, better." He hurried to his locker, dropped his boots in the bottom. Pulled off his turnout coat hanging it on the hook inside, pulled his duffle out and grabbed his wallet and keys from the shelf. "See you guys later." He ducked back out of the room before anyone had time to ask any more questions. "Thanks Cap." He said as he left again through the glass door to pay for the cab ride. Then he strode quickly to the back lot and his Rover hoping to beat rush hour traffic.

Now that he was home, he planned to take a long hot shower and hibernate until time for his next shift. As he unlocked the door he could hear the phone ringing. He tossed his duffle on the coffee table and walked right past it letting the answering machine do his talking.


	13. Chapter 13

**The Let Down**

**Chapter 13**

**By GCS**

"Hi, this is Johnny; leave a message after the beep." The message was short and to the point, and every time Roy heard it he had to smile. Johnny was the guy who always said "good morning" in threes. The short message just didn't seem to fit. Then Roy remembered the time Johnny tried to wire a tape recorder in the squad to help them keep up with their runs for the log book. Maybe Johnny was lucky to get a message on the machine at all. Before he had time to consider that thought he heard the last beep indicating that his message time had run out. Shaking his head he pressed down on the hook, listened for the dial tone and dialed again.

Roy heard the answering machine pick up again. "Hey Johnny, we missed you this morning. Jenny and Chris were disappointed. Um…we uh… well this kids… uh they wanted to see if you wanted to come to dinner, Joanne too… uh…" BEEP. He stood for a moment with the silent phone next to his ear. He hadn't told Johnny he wanted him to come. He had run out of time. Then the shrill off the hook tone screamed in his ear and he jerked it away from his ear and slammed it down on the hook.

"Everything okay?" Joanne asked from the kitchen doorway. "Was he mad? Did he hang up on you?" When Roy just stood staring at the phone and not answering her, Joanne got a little worried. She stepped over and put her hand on his shoulder as she calmly spoke his name. "Roy?"

Roy jumped. "What? Oh Joanne, I didn't know you were there. What did you say?"

"I asked if everything was okay. You slammed the phone down like you were angry. Did you two have words?"

Roy turned and pulled Joanne into his strong arms and when she rested her head on his shoulder he rested he chin atop her head. Their bodies seemed to fit perfectly. "No honey, we didn't have words. I had to leave a message. I just didn't hang up before that loud screeching noise came on. I hate that. I guess I just hung up in a hurry to shut out the noise." He kissed the top of her head and let her step back. She looked into his eyes for truth.

"Well he'll call back. What should we have?" Joanne smiled up at Roy.

Johnny had already shed his clothes and turned on the water for his shower when he heard the phone ring; wanting nothing more to ease the ache in his body, he ignored it and stepped into the shower. He stood in the very hot shower letting the heated spray cascade down his sore back. He'd slept half a day away and most of the night, but he still felt tired, weary; almost hung over. He hated it when the doctors at Rampart drugged him up. He hated not being in control of his own body…his own mind. When the drugs kicked in and took control of his senses sending him into oblivion, he always fought it dreading the way he'd feel when he woke up. They always left him feeling like he had been on a drunken binge. Not that he'd been on many, he wasn't much of a drinker, but the few times he'd woken up not remembering how he'd gotten home or why his mouth felt full of cotton and dry as the Sahara not to mention why he felt so nauseous was enough to teach him never to do it again. Of course that promise he'd made to himself sometimes slipped his mind when he lost a brother in the fire service, but each time he vowed that it would never happen again.

He turned and let the water wash across his face and chest. He knew Dixie had cleaned him up at Rampart. She always took such care to make him feel better, but for some reason the smell of smoke lingered in his senses. He reached for the shampoo to wash his hair for the second time. When the water ran cold he stepped from the shower, grabbed the towel from the rack and began wiping down his arms and legs. When he draped the towel across his back and moved it back and forth he winced. He thought about how hard his air tank had crushed against his back and wondered how long it would take for the bruising to go away. It wasn't the first time he'd suffered deep bruising. If he stayed in the fire department, it likely wouldn't be the last.

Shrugging off the thoughts that had been running through his mind, he draped the towel over his shoulders. He was alone, so there was no need for modesty.

He crossed the bedroom and reached for the pair of sweats he'd discarded before going to his last shift at the station. When he pulled them on he was careful not to let the waistband rub his back or snap against his skin. He threw towel in the corner with the others that needed to be washed. Deciding that a shirt would only rub against his back he didn't bother putting one on.

Even after a shower that should have left him feeling fresh and clean, he still felt near exhaustion. _'Must be the drugs still in my system,'_ he thought. _'Maybe I'll feel better after breakfast.' _He headed to the kitchen to see what he could find to eat. He wasn't really hungry. He couldn't help the smile that came with that thought. Chet would have a field day and throw out a barrage of jabs about his lack of hunger, but the smile was fleeting. Everyone seemed to be concerned about him lately, worried about him not taking care of himself. That thought brought him to remembering how he had overheard Brackett and Early discussing his health with Roy, and after the way his supposed partner and best friend had been treating him lately and had tricked him into going to his place like a child who couldn't think for himself, the rage from yesterday began to resurface.

Johnny opened cabinet after cabinet, turned to the fridge and swung the door open with just a bit too much force slinging the ketchup bottle skidding across the floor. He slammed the door and stooped to pick up the stray bottle; turning and slamming it down on the table giving up on food.

He stalked out of the kitchen and stood in the living room starring at the sofa. He didn't want to watch TV. He didn't want to go out. He really didn't want to think anymore. He didn't want to feel the way he felt. He especially didn't want to think about his next shift or how things were changing. Suddenly, the oblivion he'd wanted to avoid seemed inviting. He rubbed his sore back. The tension he now felt seemed to pull at every muscle. Making a decision he turned back to the kitchen and the cabinet above the fridge where he kept things out of the reach of small hands, Roy's kid's hands. He slammed his fist against the door of the fridge, and stood for a moment looking from the half empty bottle of bourbon and the bottles of prescription pain pills he never seemed to finish even though Dr. Brackett always insisted he did.

After a few minutes of indecision, he grabbed a couple of the bottles and read the labels. There was a variety of pain pills, muscle relaxers and sedatives. He knew enough about medications not to mix certain ones and how others would affect him. What he needed was something strong enough to help him relax, sleep, not think or dream, but not too strong to make him unable to function at work tomorrow. Deciding on muscle relaxers similar to what Brackett had given him yesterday; he twisted off the cap and dropped two in his hand hesitating for only a few minutes before throwing them into his mouth and dry swallowing.


	14. Chapter 14

**a/n: Sorry for the long delay between chapters. I've still been working two jobs. I'm hoping to change that soon. I moved to a new position where I work that pays a little more, and I think my muse has been on a long vacation without me. LOL! Enjoy!  
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As he pulled around the station, Johnny noticed Roy's Porsche. He had thought today might be the beginning of a new partnership, but now he got to look forward to yet another tense shift. Sighing he slid the Rover into his usual spot, shut off the engine, leaned his head back and closed his eyes; thinking maybe if he just kept to himself they could get through it without another confrontation.

Chet looked up from putting his turnout coat on his seat in the engine and noticed Johnny pulling in. What surprised him was that Johnny didn't swing around and back in like he usually did. He walked to the back of the engine and pretended to be checking the hoses while keeping an eye on the Rover. Johnny hadn't gotten out yet. That too was unusual. Johnny more often than not was climbing out as he shut off the engine. Something was up. Chet moved around to the other side not wanting Johnny to catch him watching. He listened for the truck door to close before turning back around. When he did he couldn't believe Johnny's appearance. The man looked positively haggard. His feet shuffled; missing was the normal spring in his step. It looked as though he'd forgotten to comb his hair, and his uniforms were practically dragging the ground. "Hey Gage, what the hell happened to you? Did ya tie on a good one yesterday?" He badgered. Johnny walked past without any response. "What's-a-matter babe? Hangover?" Chet feigned a chuckle while concern ran rampant. Surely, things were better between Johnny and Roy by now. They'd been so concerned about each other just last shift. It wasn't like Johnny to drink much less come in hung over. This was bad…really bad. He turned and headed to the kitchen to find Mike and Marco.

Johnny heard Chet taunting him, but he just didn't have the energy to face The Phantom right now. He had to get changed and find some coffee before roll call. His stomach growled just as he pushed on the locker room door. He hoped that C-Shift had cooked breakfast and left a few morsels behind. He'd slept through the day yesterday after taking those pills and woke up late this morning not having time to eat. As he stepped through the door he hesitated. Roy was sitting on the bench lacing his work boots. Johnny quickly averted his eyes and crossed to his locker flinging the door open with a little too much force. With the door open he could avoid making eye contact.

Roy glanced up from his boot and was shocked at his partner's appearance. "You okay?" Johnny mumbled something into his locker that Roy couldn't make out. He finished lacing his boot and stood. "Johnny?" His partner leaned back and looked around the locker door. "You alright?"

"I said I'm fine, Roy." He ducked back behind the door and pulled off his t-shirt quickly replacing it with a white one from his locker hoping Roy hadn't seen the colorful bruises still decorating his back.

"You don't look fine." Roy's tone sounded unintentionally condescending. "You look like Hell."

That did it; Johnny slammed the locker door with his blue work shirt squeezed in his right hand. "I get it, Roy. We all get it!" He waved the shirt in the air banging his knuckles against the locker, but he was too angry to let it slow him down. "Everybody knows you think I can't handle the squad without you in it. Well I can! I've done it before when you were on the injured list. I know you passed the training before me. Hell, you practically built the program, but I performed the first official procedure. Me!" He stabbed his finger in his chest. "I shocked the first heart attack victim back to life. Me…not you. So you see, we were both in it from the get go. Yeah, you've been a firefighter and a rescue man longer than me, but we became paramedics at the same damn time!" He shook out his shirt and whipped it around pulling it onto his arms. His back muscles screamed at the movement, but again he didn't allow himself to show it. He wouldn't let Roy see the pain he felt from the abrupt movement. The bruises were still sore, but no worse than any other guy who had fallen on his tank or had debris fall on him. He could work through it. His fingers trembled as he fumbled with the buttons. "I know you don't really want to leave a program you helped build. You're one of the best. But obviously it's what you planned on doing when you signed up to take the test. Right?" He glared at Roy, who hadn't said a word. "Well, what did you think was gonna happen? Did you hope to fail? I don't believe that, because you've never failed at anything in your life. So, the problem has to be that you don't think I can do the job without you. Is that it?" Johnny stopped fiddling with the buttons. They just wouldn't close. "Well get over yourself Desoto. This is my house now. Ya got that! My squad. You're leaving." With that Johnny turned and disappeared through the door while pinning his badge on the unbuttoned shirt; leaving Roy standing with his mouth open.

Johnny rounded the engine and stopped with his hands on his hips, so much for no confrontation. He ran his hands through his hair, looked at his reddened knuckles and leaned back against the side panel taking a few deep breaths. Then he slowly buttoned his shirt. Pushing off the engine he tucked it in as he crossed the bay towards the kitchen. He'd lost his appetite, but knew he needed to try to eat something. They could get called out as soon as C-shift left and be gone all day. When he entered the kitchen there was a hushed silence. No one looked up at him… neither his shift mates nor the guys from the other shift. "Morning." He said softly as he crossed to the coffee pot.

Someone behind him cleared their throat. A chair scraped and he could hear someone walking as he lifted the cup to his lips and took a sip with his back still to the room. The coffee was hot and bitter, but he sipped again. He knew they'd all heard. He had to turn around and face them, but not before one…or two more sips of coffee…and maybe he'd top off the cup.

"Here Johnny." Mike held out a plate with bacon, eggs and toast. "C-shift had leftovers. You, um, you look like you could use it." He waved to the table with the plate before moving to set it down. In typical Mike fashion that was all that was said. The engineer turned and returned to his seat at the table.

Johnny sat down and picked up a piece of bacon. He stopped with it in mid air. "What?" he asked before biting off half the strip, and then with his mouth full of bacon he continued on. "Well, come on ask."

"Ask what, Gage?" Chet, always the one to speak up, asked with a raised eyebrow.

"About that." He pointed with the other half of the bacon strip. "You all want to know, don't ya? Well, I'll tell ya. Roy's just worrying like he always does." He pulled the strip back to his mouth and finished it off. Then he picked up his fork and scooped up some eggs. "I told him though." He took a bite and chewed for a minute. "I told him this is now my house; my squad. Done deal." He sounded confident on the outside; felt sick on the inside, the food almost getting stuck on its way down.

"Oh, that. Yeah, we heard all that. What we wanted to know was what happened on your day off." Chet smiled and wiggled his eyebrows. Of course they all heard, but that was a very uncomfortable subject for everyone. "Was it with a babe?"

"Huh?" Johnny stopped in mid bite of toast.

"Why you're hung over?" Chet continued. No one else had said anything, but they all leaned in pretending to be in on the question. They'd all agreed before Johnny got in the room that they wouldn't question either of the two paramedics about the yelling. It was safer to just leave that alone. The guys hoped that if they were lucky the two men might still walk away from this promotion situation as friends, especially if no one talked about it.

Johnny's mouth dropped open and he leaned back in his chair. He almost spoke up to tell them he wasn't hung over, but he stopped for a second and decided that yes, in a way he was. Pain pills and muscle relaxers always did that to him. Maybe it would be easier to let everyone think that he had been drunk. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He leaned forward and picked up his fork again.

"Aw come on Johnny." Marco teased.

Johnny smiled. "Nope…not telling."

Roy couldn't believe what he'd just heard from his best friend. Johnny got excited, but he rarely every yelled. Was Johnny right? He looked at the door as it swung shut. No, of course he wasn't. Roy knew what a great paramedic Johnny was. He admired the way he could calm a hysterical patient, and never seemed to fear any rescue. He did plan to take the test to get promoted. He wanted to get promoted. He needed to. He looked back at his feet and sighed. Then he crossed the locker room and pushed through the door. He could hear the bantering in the kitchen and day room, but didn't feel like being around anyone at the moment.

He walked around the back of the engine and stopped. He looked from the squad to the engine. Was it what he wanted? He thought back to when he told Johnny he was taking the test… _"So...um...yeah, I signed up to take the engineer's exam." Roy had said nervously. He couldn't even look at his best friend; his partner. He knew things were going to change. They had to...eventually anyway. "Damn." Johnny whispered almost inaudibly as he turned away. _

Roy walked along the length of the big rig looking at the different compartments. He slid his hand down the smooth surface to the control panel. As he moved his fingers across the different gauges and knobs he could almost hear Mike explaining what each did and how to read the fluctuations. That brought a smile. He moved toward the front stopping to glance in at Marco's seat; his turnout coat and helmet waiting at the ready. Then he slid his hand up and grabbed the cold metal handle and opened the door. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching he climbed up and easily slid into the seat. He closed the door and looked out the front. It felt different from the squad, bigger. He coughed a chuckle. It was bigger. He slid his hands around the large steering wheel and looked over at Cap's seat. He could do this. He would. It would be a different engine at a different station, but he'd trained hard for this. He looked out the side window and down at the squad not able to stop the sigh that escaped. Then he climbed down, softly closed the door and traced the 51. Soon this would no longer be his home away from home.


	15. Chapter 15

**The Let Down**

**Chapter 15**

**By GCS**

Captain Stanley eased his chair back from the desk and listened. He'd heard the altercation between his paramedics. Silence, save the familiar sound of work boots on the concrete floor, had followed the loud thump of a hand hitting the the engine, his unbuttoned shirt flapping in the breeze created by his angry pace. He stopped dead in his tracks and slumped against the engine; he looked like hell. Stanley's eyebrow raised; concern etched a deep furrow across his forehead. He almost got up from the seat to go and check on his youngest crew member, but Johnny pushed off the engine, tucking in his shirt as he disappeared from view around the back of the squad. Stanley waited for the usual sound of Roy following behind his partner trying to calm Johnny's rant. He sighed deeply when Roy didn't come out of the dorms behind his partner. Hank absently rubbed his temple. This shift was not starting out well at all.

Sharing the office with the Captains from the other shifts often had its disadvantages. This was one of those times.

"Something wrong, Hank?"

The last thing Hank wanted to do right now was discuss the issues between his paramedics with another captain when he didn't really know what was going on himself. "Uh, no…at least I hope not." He knew Captain Hookraider had also heard the confrontation between Roy and Johnny.

"Sounds like your paramedics are having a hard time with the upcoming change."

"Yeah, sounds that way." Hank rubbed his temple again.

"Well if it's any consolation, I hope they get it worked out," Captain Hook turned back to his desk. "Almost time for shift change."

Hank rolled his eyes. Off duty Hook was a good guy. He had a dry sense of humor, but he could keep his fellow captains laughing with his quirky ways. On shift though, he was a royal pain. If the department put Hook and Brice together permanently they wouldn't have to send that shift any reminders of protocol. Those two knew the firefighter's handbook like the back of their hand.

After a few moments the normal sound of good natured bantering came from the kitchen. Captain Stanley moved his chair back to the desk and grabbed his coffee mug. He smiled as he turned toward the door knowing the best way for a Captain to get a feel for what was really going on in his station was a trip to the coffee pot.

As he neared the kitchen Stanley could clearly hear Chet taunting Johnny about his activities last night. He smiled when he heard Johnny refuse to reveal any information to Chet. When he stepped into the kitchen all kidding stopped. "Good morning gentlemen."

"Morning Cap," echoed among the men seated around the table.

"How is everyone this morning?"

Chet spoke up before anyone else had a chance. "We're all doing fine, Cap." He waved his hand around the table. "Except Gage, he must have had a wild night, but he ain't talkin'." Johnny's eyes shot up at Chet. How could he throw him under the engine like that? All joking aside, the last thing he needed was for Cap to think he couldn't do his job. He looked over at his captain who was standing at the end of the table looking right at him. He ducked his head again and pushed the eggs around on his plate.

"See you in my office when you're done, John." Captain Stanley said as he crossed to the coffee pot and filled his cup.

Johnny's head shot up; his mouth open, but before he could respond Cap had turned on his heels and left. "Thanks a lot Chet." he complained as he slid his chair back and reached for the plate. He scraped the half eaten breakfast into the trash and moved toward the sink to wash his plate.

Mike stood and reached for the plate. "I'll get that Johnny. You better go see what Cap wants." Johnny didn't respond. He simply handed Mike the plate and left the room watching his feet with every step.

Captain Stanley stepped into his office ahead of Johnny, "Have the office a minute?" He requested of Captain Hook.

"Sure Hank, see ya next shift." Hookraider slid the folder he'd been working on into the top drawer, locked it, slid back from the desk and rose from his seat to face Hank.

"Ask your paramedics if they wouldn't mind hanging around. I may need…" He left the sentence hanging in the air when he heard Johnny at the door. His and Johnny's eyes met and he saw the hurt his request had produced.

Hook saw it too. "No problem. They won't mind." Captain Hookraider stepped past Johnny. "Have a safe shift."

"Have a seat." Stanley set his coffee on the desk as he sat.

Johnny hesitated at the door not sure if he wanted to sit, or just tell Cap to replace him for the shift. It was apparent that Cap thought he couldn't do the job anyway. He'd just have to add his name to the growing list of people who doubted his ability; that thought weighed heavily on his mind.

Captain Stanley noticed his hesitation. "John, sit down please. We need to talk."

Looking up for a split second before averting his eyes, Johnny didn't move. "It's okay, Cap. If you think you need to send me home. I'll just go." He started to turn away.

Hank stood up from his seat and reached out placing his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "I'm worried about you, John. Coming in like this isn't like you. What's going on? Come on in and have a seat. Okay?"

Johnny sighed audibly, closing his eyes and dropping his chin to his chest. "I'm fine." He said almost too softly for Hank to hear. When Hank didn't take his hand away, Johnny knew he would have to endure the conversation. He slowly moved to the chair and dropped down into it, still keeping his eyes away from his superior.

Hank closed the door; then stepped back and resumed his seat. He knew he needed to tread softly, so he started with an update on Johnny's injury from their last shift. "How's your back?"

"Just a little sore." He shrugged feeling the pull on his back. "It's okay. I can work."

Hank realized he would have to ask leading questions if he hoped to get any information from Johnny. For a guy that could usually keep a rant up for hours he could clam up tight as a drum if he set his mind to it. Hank cleared his throat getting a slight glance from Johnny. "So you were cleared for duty then?"

"Yes sir."

"I can't help but wonder if you don't need checking out again. You look pretty rough this morning. Any truth to what Chet was thinking?"

Johnny's eyes shot up and for a second he glared at his superior. His training kicked in before he lashed out. He knew better than to blast his superior. "No sir," he said with a hint of the anger that question had provoked. Johnny took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Ya see, Cap, Dr. Brackett gave me something at the hospital the other day to help me…relax. I hadn't been sleepin' real good and with the bruising he thought it would help. Then just as I started to drift off, I heard him and Doc Early talkin' to Roy outside the door like I can't take care of myself. Roy's leavin' who are they gonna talk to then?" Johnny got up and started pacing.

Cap raised his hand to his mouth rubbing beneath his nose to hide the smile that he couldn't contain. Johnny had gotten angry and frustrated with his last question which was just what he wanted. It was about the only way to get the man to really open up.

"I mean I am an adult." Johnny stopped and faced his superior with his hand splayed across his chest. "I CAN take care of myself." He turned and started pacing again. "I told them too. I grabbed my stuff and walked right into their little tete-a-tete; busted it right up. Then they said I couldn't leave by myself, cause I'd had that stuff to make me relax. Joanne walked up about that time and offered me a ride, but she tricked me. I told her to take me home, only I fell asleep. I tried not to, but that medicine." He stopped his trek back from across the small office and rubbed his hand through his already disheveled hair. "She said she had to pick Chris up and would take me home later if I didn't mind waiting at their place. I was too hazy to think straight. The next thing I knew it was almost morning. I gotta tell ya Cap that really pissed me off. You know I hate a liar. I mean, I don't hate Joanne. Roy either, but they should of told me they weren't gonna take me home. I would have called a cab right then." He slid back into the chair. "I did call a cab to bring me here to get the Rover." His rant stopped as abruptly as it had started. John looked deep in thought.

"So you went home; then what?" Cap pressed on.

"Huh?" Johnny looked up like he'd been a million miles away. "Oh…um, where was I?" He thought for a minute. "I got home and took a long shower; man, that felt good. So next I was gonna eat, but I got to thinking about Roy. I got mad all over again. I was tired too. I wanted to sleep. You know REALLY sleep, so I took something to help me." He looked directly into Hank's eyes. "It was prescription. It was some I had from before from Doc Brackett." Hank held up his hand in understanding and made a circular motion for Johnny to continue. He kept his other hand near his mouth; resting his chin in his palm with his fingers slightly covering his mouth. It was all he could do not to smile at Johnny. "Well okay, after taking the meds I laid down. I didn't wake up until early this morning feeling like I was hung over. I hate the way that stuff makes me feel. For the life of me Cap, I'm not even sure why I took it. But hey Cap, don't tell Chet." He raised his eyebrows and grinned. "I'd kinda like to keep him guessing." Both men laughed at that.

"Never." Cap let his hand drop to his lap and the smile he'd been hiding spread to his eyes.

Johnny sat up straighter in his chair. "I'm okay now though. I mean I was about to starve, since I didn't eat yesterday and got up too late this morning, but that breakfast really did help."

Hank sobered from the happy moment and sat forward in his chair. "What about you and Roy? I heard some pretty harsh words earlier."

Johnny sunk back down in his seat. "I'm sorry about that. He just really gets to me. I mean he took the test to be an engineer, but now he acts like he's afraid to take the job. He acts like he's worried about me, about whether or not I can do the job without him there to watch my every move." He waved his arm in the air in frustration. "I told him though. This is my house now. My Squad." He sat back with a huff, and then he looked up at Cap. "I don't want to stand in his way. I know they could use this promotion. I don't want him thinking he can't take it because of me."

Captain Stanley sat forward. "John, I know you two are friends. Don't let this promotion get in the way of that. No matter what Roy decides. Understand?" Johnny nodded his understanding. "If you want my opinion the department is losing one of its best paramedics. I've told you both that many times, both of you." He said the last line with some emphasis bringing a slight smile from Johnny. "That leaves us with only one more question. Can you work this shift with Roy, because if you can't…?" He left the question hanging and waited for a response.

Roy had seen Captain Stanley go the dayroom with his coffee cup when he came out of the dorm. He hadn't followed him though. His attention had turned to the Engine and Squad. Neither Cap nor Johnny had seen him looking at the control panel of the engine as they walked toward Cap's office; Roy hadn't seen them either. He did see the door closed when he stepped down from the engine. Worry creased his brow. Was Johnny still in there? Was he in trouble? Was he sick? Would Cap send him home? The rapid fire of questions raced through his mind as he stood looking over the top of the squad at the closed door. The only time that door was shut on the A shift at 51's was when there was something big going on inside; something Cap didn't want to share with those outside the room. Roy turned to the dayroom to see if he could find any answers there.


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Thanks everyone for sticking with me on this and my other stories. I looked at the original post date on this story and couldn't believe how long it has taken to write it. So... I wanted to take a minute to say THANK YOU! for reading and reviewing. It means so much that you are still here. Now on to the story..._

**The Let Down**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**By GCS**

"Well if it isn't the new engineer." Chet commented snidely as he rose from his seat at the table and crossed to the couch.

Roy stopped in his tracks; looking at the lineman's back with wonder at what was bothering his friend. After a momentary hesitation he turned toward the coffee pot. "Morning." He spoke to the men from the other shift that were getting up from the table to leave. He grabbed a cup from the drain tray, but noticed the coffee was not quite ready. He sat the cup on the counter, turned and leaned against it. "What are you guys waiting for?" He asked the two paramedics still seated.

"Your Captain asked us to hang around."

Roy's mouth opened and his hands dropped to his sides. "Why? Johnny and I are both here. What's going on?" Worry raced through his mind. He didn't get much of an answer; only shoulder shrugs. Was Cap sending Johnny home? Maybe he was in trouble for coming in looking so rough, but why both of them? He lowered his chin to his chest when realization sunk in. Cap had heard them arguing. Maybe he was in trouble too. Jo would kill him if he got suspended. A suspension could eliminate him from the promotion to engineer. He turned to the coffee pot. The thought of missing out on the promotion didn't really upset him that much making him wonder. "Coffee's ready." He poured some in his cup and turned back to the table trying to mask the emotions racing inside. He held up the pot, but got head nods from everyone. He slid the pot back into place and grabbed his cup returning to the bay.

"Are we good, Cap?" Johnny asked as he scooted to the end of the chair like a kid ready to bolt.

"Well, are you sure you're okay?" Cap raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side. Johnny had said he was okay, but he had a tendency to do that when he really wasn't.

"Yeah I'm good."

"Tell Desoto I want to see him."

Johnny hesitated before rising. "Cap, don't be too hard on Roy, okay? It's only a few more shifts. I can get by. I'll just keep to myself."

Hank smiled at the concern Johnny still had for Roy. Maybe this friendship could withstand the upcoming change after all. "Just send him in, John. The outcome of this meeting will be up to him."

"Yes sir." Johnny said softly as he turned to leave. "Thanks Cap."

Hank reached for his coffee and took an experimental sip which caused a grimace. It was cold. He put the cup down and pushed his tongue across the roof of his mouth trying to get the taste to go away. He'd already sent for Roy which meant he didn't have time to get a fresh cup. "To hell with it." He whispered to himself. As he got up from the chair.

Johnny almost tripped over Roy as he rounded the Squad to do the morning equipment check. "Oh…um…Cap wants to see ya." He spouted out while regaining his balance.

Roy closed the drug box, stood slowly and put it back in the compartment. He grabbed his cup from the top and walked around the front of the truck. "It's all done except the bio-phone." His ire had risen as he counted the medications. Johnny's little tirade in the locker room had probably gained them both some trouble. Trouble that he didn't deserve or want. Why couldn't Johnny just let him leave on a good note? Why did everything have to be about John Gage?

Johnny turned and watched Roy leave looking like he'd just been slapped. He reached for the bio-phone and jerked it from the shelf practically slamming it down on the concrete floor, flipped the lid and haphazardly attached the antennae. His hand was shaking so bad it took three tries to snap it into place. He looked up in the direction of the office as he grabbed the receiver and twisted the control to activate the line. He sat back on his heels before depressing the talk button; his eyes still looking in the direction his best friend had gone. This was getting ridiculous. They were best friends. Why were they constantly berating each other? His eyes turned back to the abused piece of equipment. He'd just promised Cap that he could work with Roy. Now he needed to try to do just that. He raised the piece to his ear and depressed the button. "Rampart this is Squad 51, how do you read me?" He asked softly.

Dixie was sitting on the stool at the nurse's station when she heard the familiar crackle of the radio. She slid from her perch as she heard Johnny calling in. She looked at the radio when he asked a second time for confirmation. The sadness in that transmission was apparent. She lifted the receiver and answered, "Squad 51, this is Rampart."

"Please stand by for radio test."

There was none of the normal morning greeting, just a standard transmission that would please the radio Gods. Dixie frowned. "Standing by." She flipped the switch on the machine to her right and watched as the paper began to feed. "Looks good, 51. Have a safe shift." She offered a bone hoping to get some kind of cheer from the voice on the other end.

"10-4, 51 out."

Dixie almost slammed the receiver into its cradle wondering what was going on with Johnny. She knew he and Roy had been having difficulty with Roy's promotion; they all had. Losing one of the best paramedics in the program to a promotion because the Fire Department couldn't see the advantage to keeping them certified was a hard blow to those who were there at the beginning. They had fought so hard to get the program going only to lose good men to the pursuit of advancement, first Stoney; now Roy. It made her angry and sad at the same time. That must be part of what was wrong with her boys. Whatever it was, when they came into the ER later she planned to do what she could to help them work things out. Those two were too important to her to sit by and watch them self destruct. She turned back to her stool and the chart she'd been working on. Right now, duty called.

"Have a seat. I'll be right back." Captain Stanley pointed to the chair as he moved past Roy to get a hot cup of coffee. He felt much better after talking to Johnny. Now all he had to do was have a little discussion with Roy about his attitude the past few shifts, and they could get down to the business of running a fire station.

Roy moved aside to let him pass and slumped into the chair silently thanking his partner for the dressing down he thought he was about to get. Why else would Cap ask the other paramedics to stay?

Johnny must have talked his way out of a reprimand, since he had come over to do the equipment check; that meant the brunt of trouble had landed on Roy's shoulders. Well he could take it. He took it in the military. He could take it now. A grunt came from deep within. He took the last sup of coffee as he leaned back in the chair with a huff and set his mind to doing just that.

Hank hurried into the kitchen and over to the coffee pot like a man on a mission. He saw the two paramedics waiting at the table. If his coffee had gotten cold, he and Johnny had been in the office for a long time. He'd almost forgotten he had the other team waiting. He didn't need to talk to Roy since he'd made sure Johnny was okay. "Oh hey guys, thanks for sticking around. You can go now." The two men didn't hesitate at all in sliding their chairs back waving at the men from the A-shift. Hank filled his cup before turning back to the rest of his crew. "Give me a few more minutes to speak to Roy; then we'll have roll call."

"Okay Cap." Mike spoke up for the group.

"Cap?" Chet started. "Uh, is Gage…?" He didn't finish the question. It was sounding too concerned for the Phantom.

"He's fine, Chet." Cap chuckled. "He's out here doing the equipment check if you want to ask him yourself." He knew the guys would want to find out what had just happened in the office, but knowing Johnny wanted to keep Chet guessing, he doubted they would get much information. He turned and hurried back to his office. When he stepped across the threshold of his office he noticed Roy sitting with his empty coffee cup dangling from his finger. "I'm sorry Roy did you want a refill?"

Roy looked at the cup and up at his superior. "No sir." An unfamiliar coldness laced his voice. "Listen Cap, I know you have replacements waiting in the kitchen, so let's just get this over with." Roy spoke with a derogatory tone. It was very unlike him to speak that way to Captain Stanley or any other superior. The man had a definite respect for authority; probably learned it while serving in the military. He felt himself cringe at his own actions, but he just couldn't control the anger that had been building.

"Ahem." Stanley cleared his throat to gain his own composure. "Okay, then why don't you start by telling me what exactly is going on between you and your partner?" He took his seat and sat his mug down almost hard enough to spill the contents on the desk. This was not going the way he had intended.

Roy shot up from his chair. "Is this about my partner, cause if it is I would just as soon you send me home now and quit wasting both of our time."

Stanley stood and faced his senior paramedic. "I'm going to overlook the fact that you are crossing the line of insubordination and let you calm yourself down and answer my question."

Roy deflated. "Sorry, Cap. I… I'm not… I don't know." He ran his hand through his hair and returned to his seat. "Things have gotten so out of control."

"I can see that." Stanley said as he too resumed his seat. He'd just sent the other team home. The last thing he wanted to do was have to call someone else in, but he would if Roy didn't calm down and prove to him that he could complete the shift without any more altercations with the rest of the crew.

"Cap are you sending us home? Is Johnny okay?"

Hank looked at Roy with confusion. How did he know? "What would make you think that?"

"The paramedics from the other shift are still here. They said you asked them to stay." Roy said softly while looking at his hands in his lap.

Hank almost laughed. Of course Roy had seen the other men; that's how he knew. "No, I asked them to stay until I made sure your partner was healthy enough to perform his job. Something, I might add that I would normally expect from you. He says he's okay, so I sent them home just now. I asked them both to stay in case I needed you to take him to Rampart."

Roy simply nodded his head and continued starring at his hands.

"So… now that we have that out of the way, how about you tell me what brought on all that yelling I heard this morning before we get toned out." The words had no sooner left his mouth when the tones rang out. Both men stood quickly, opened the door and met their crew mates in the bay. Both vehicles were called out to a house fire. The explanation would have to wait.

Johnny looked at Roy with a 'You okay?' question in his eyes. Roy turned away and waited for the call slip. Johnny sighed. It was going to be a very long shift.


	17. Chapter 17

**The Let Down**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**By GCS**

So it became just the fire and him, and all other sights and sounds faded to nothing.

He'd been forced to bend over and grab his ankles while the situation unfolded around him out of nowhere. Now it was just a question of when to stand up and where to run to escape the fury that was slowly engulfing the walls and tearing away at the ceiling above. He winced as he checked out one of the four doors in the hall staring back at him. Maybe he could reach it... Maybe not, but it might be his only chance; then again once inside, he hoped there would be a window. He quickly pushed himself up from his crouched position and lunged for the opening just as the knowing sounds of defeat spread across the popcorn ceiling; two seconds later and he would have seen the underside of the falling debris. He slammed the door and kept moving across the darkened room as far away from the crashing noises as he could get; his momentum slammed him against the far wall with a whoosh, just to the right of the glorious sight of the window he'd needed.

He rolled to the side, breathing heavily; sweat coating his skin and squeezed his eyes shut before turning back. He'd been reliving the fire since yesterday. The situation had deteriorated quickly once Roy had started out of the building with their victim leaving him alone on the second floor to complete the search. They didn't usually search alone, but there were only four more rooms. Roy would've sent Chet or Marco up to back him on his way out. There just hadn't been time.

Wearing nothing but his boxers; sleep still crusting the corners of his eyes; he stumbled from the bedroom into the hall where he had to stop. He leaned into the wall to catch his breath and let the cobwebs clear, but the knocking at the door urged him on. His head spun and he felt like crap. Without a clue who was on the other side of the door, he unhooked the chain and slid the bar which seemed to echo in his ears; the actions were exhausting. When he cracked open the door the late morning light assaulted his eyes, causing him to squint at the shadowed figure before him. "Yeah?"

"Man, Gage you look like shit." Chet couldn't believe the sight standing in front of him. Johnny's hair practically stood on end. He looked like a starving refugee the way the lines of each rib shown through his skin. He'd always been skinny, but now… now he looked like a good wind would topple him over. Chet held up the take out container. "Got coffee here; you look like you could use some."

Johnny shuffled away from the door; leaving it open. Chet stepped into the dark room, stopping just inside to let his eyes adjust. Johnny slumped down onto the couch and leaned his head back lightly hitting it against the wall eliciting a moan.

"Here." Chet held the Styrofoam cup out and waited as Johnny sat forward rubbing sleep from his eyes. He looked up to take the cup still squinting even though it was dark in the room. He lowered it to his lap and sat holding it. Chet rummaged through the sack and pulled out two paper wrapped breakfast sandwiches. The smell caused Johnny's stomach to roll. Chet mistook the noise as hunger. "I knew you'd be hungry. I got you one of these." He pushed the sandwich toward Johnny, who leaned forward and sat his coffee down. He held up his hand pushing Chet's away.

"Huh uh." Johnny grunted and collapsed against the cushions again.

Chet dropped into the recliner. "Come on, Gage. You gotta eat something. You look like you're wasting away."

"'m all right. Just give me a minute."

"Okay, but I'm not waitin' on ya." Chet took the wrapper off his sandwich and took a bite hoping his eating would spur Johnny to eat too. Johnny hadn't eaten this morning before they got off shift, and he suspected by the way he looked that he had gone straight to bed when he got home. The fire early in the shift had nearly led to another bad situation, and the rest of the shift had been just as grueling. The station had been called out to one fire after another for most of the day, and then a big pile up on the freeway in the middle of the night. The normal ease that Johnny and Roy worked with had been missing which only made the job for all of them more difficult. It was like working with replacements when one of the two was out on vacation or sick leave. He, Mike and Marco had already been talking about how things would be different once Roy was gone. It would take a while for Johnny and his new partner to fall into a groove.

By the time he finished his food Johnny had lain down on the couch and fallen back to sleep. With a deep sigh Chet cleaned up his mess. He took Johnny's untouched food to the kitchen where he placed it in the nearly empty fridge for later. Before closing the door he scratched his head in wonder. Usually, Johnny would have a load of leftovers from dinners at the Desoto's. Joanne always made sure Johnny took home extras for later. She knew his bachelor habits and that cereal and hot dogs wouldn't keep him healthy enough for the demanding physical needs of their job. The scant contents before him meant only one thing. Johnny hadn't been to Roy's house in a long time. As he closed the door he noticed a prescription bottle on the cabinet. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Johnny was still asleep and wouldn't see him snooping; then he reached for the bottle and read the label. 'Why are you taking these?' Chet noticed the date on the bottle. It was from months ago; from another injury. 'Should you be taking these?' He set the bottle back down. On the way back to his seat he flipped on the TV, and then settled in to find something to watch. This had been a tough week for his pigeon; he was worried about him.

The morning turned to afternoon and now both men were asleep. Something woke Chet. He stirred a little and closed his eyes again. Before he slipped back into his nap, he heard the door open making him immediately alert. When he whipped around to face the door he came face to face with an equally startled Roy. His eyes darted from Roy to Johnny and back again. "What are you doing?"

Roy looked at him with irritation written all over his face, "I could ask you that same thing." He stepped into the room noticing Johnny asleep on the couch. "Is he okay?"

"Keep it down. Can't you see he's sleeping?" Chet whispered through his fingers as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "I guess I fell asleep too."

Roy chuckled, "Looks that way. Seriously Chet, what's up with him? The only time he sleeps on his days off is when he's sick or hurt."

"I'm not sure. He was up when I got here with breakfast, but he didn't eat what I brought. Next thing I know, he's sound asleep; been right there all morning." Chet almost told Roy about the muscle relaxers, but he decided not to betray his friend; at least not yet. "I thought we might catch a ball game or go bowling, but…" He shrugged. He knew his real purpose for stopping by had been to try to get Johnny to eat, but he'd never admit that to Roy, or anyone else for that matter.

Roy stepped over beside his sleeping partner and carefully reached for the wrist that rested across his eyes. He glanced at his watch and after a minute slid his fingers away carefully. His hands moved to his waist; he stood watching his respirations. It wasn't like Johnny to sleep through noise. He usually woke up when the station speaker clicked, even before the call came out. He was really asleep. He turned to Chet. "He seems okay, just sleeping. Why'd you stay? Is there something else going on?"

Chet sighed, "I don't know. The past few shifts have been hard on all of us, first there was that ceiling collapse you both got caught in, and then yesterday, he almost got it again. He already looked wiped out when he got to the station, and after he climbed out that window he looked like he might collapse. He brushed it off and kept on going like he always does." Chet absently rubbed his temple. "I don't know. He just don't look right."

"Well, he seems okay." Brushing off his own worry, Roy stepped around the coffee table and back toward the door. "I need to get back. I told Joanne I was only going to the hardware."

"Then why are you here?"

"What?" Roy's mind had been deep in thought and he didn't hear Chet. He was worried about Johnny too. They hadn't been getting along lately, and he knew it was partly his fault. "Oh… uh, I… uh, a wrench, I need to borrow one of his wrenches. I'll just get it some other time." He reached for the door knob. "Hey Chet, don't tell him I was here." He pulled the door open and disappeared before Chet had a chance to recover from the last statement.

Chet heard Johnny stir. He settled back in the chair and waited.

Johnny lowered his arm, glanced at his wrist with a confused look and turned on his side looking toward the door. That's when he noticed Chet. "You still here?" he asked in a gravelly voice.

"Yeah, I guess we were both tired. I fell asleep too."

Johnny rose to sit. He rubbed his eyes. "Man, I didn't know I was that tired."

"It was a hard shift." Chet said as he got up from the chair. "You got some coffee?"

Johnny followed him into the kitchen. "Yeah, I'll make a pot." He grabbed the pot and turned toward the sink noticing the prescription bottle as he did. He turned on the tap and as it filled the pot, he slid the bottle into a drawer. He didn't know Chet had already seen it. He'd only taken the ones the other day, but didn't feel like explaining. He rubbed his eyes. He'd felt sluggish ever since taking them, but then like Chet said they'd just finished a hard shift. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on ya. You want to get a burger or something? Hey, let's go bowling?"

Chet smiled. This was the Johnny he was used to, spontaneous and always ready to find some fun. "Sure, but I'm starved."

Johnny put the pot of coffee on, and then he turned around scratching his head. "Didn't you bring breakfast?" He reached for the refrigerator door and ducked his head inside. By the time he turned around, he was eating the cold breakfast sandwich.

"Gross Gage, you could at least warm it up."

"Um uh, too hungry," Johnny said with a mouth full; then smiled with bread between his teeth making Chet laugh. Then Johnny wadded up the wrapper and tossed it into the trash. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower while the coffee makes." Before Chet could even respond the Gage whirlwind was out of the room. Johnny was glad Chet had stayed. He had been kind of lonely the past week. He whistled as he slipped into the shower. After the bad shift and equally bad dreams last night and this morning, he was determined to make this a good day.

Chet was amazed at the change in Johnny after the nap. Sure, he'd slept for a few hours, even missing Roy's visit, but the change was drastic. He scratched his head and turned to check on the coffee. As he did, he noticed the pill bottle was gone. His concern from earlier came back in full force. Why would Johnny hide the bottle? Had he taken some when he got off shift? Why? Was he hiding an injury again? What else was he hiding?

Before he had time to think too much he heard Johnny coming back down the hall. He turned around in time to see Johnny bounce into the kitchen with a towel around his waist and another draped over his shoulders. "Is it ready?" He didn't wait for an answer. He never slowed down as he crossed the room and grabbed a cup from the drain tray while picking up the pot at the same time. Chet turned as Johnny passed him by. He felt like a tree being whipped around in a storm. "Here." Johnny handed him a cup. "Hey, let's call Marco and Mike." Johnny sipped his coffee as he headed toward the phone.

"Okay." Chet answered needlessly, because Johnny was already dialing.


	18. Chapter 18

**The Let Down**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**By GCS**

As soon as Captain Stanley dismissed them, Johnny asked Mike if he would move the engine out onto the apron. He moved the Squad. He'd already done the equipment checks and inventory of the drug and trauma boxes before roll call. His duty for the day was the equipment bay, and he wanted to get it done. He heard Mike grumble, "There had better be some coffee left," as he climbed up into the cab. Johnny had no desire to join the guys in the kitchen this morning, the thought of sitting around the table listening to everyone asking Roy when he was transferring for the past few shifts had gotten as old as the tension between the two of them. The "next shift" the department had hinted to Cap, had turned into three already. Three miserably long days of Johnny feeling like he had to walk on egg shells with the person he thought he could talk to about anything, but not anymore. Now, he could hardly stand to be in the same room with Roy. He'd never admit it, but being around Roy right now always ended with him getting his feelings hurt or his anger stirred to new levels.

Bowling with Chet, Marco and Mike the day before had been a lot of fun. Johnny had even forgotten about the upcoming changes. He'd felt like his old self except for his bruised and sore back. It would be a long time before Chester B would let him live down the fact that he lost. Johnny never lost at bowling, but yesterday, he just couldn't get his groove on. Chet had beaten him by only two pins, but that was enough to leave Johnny with treating the others to a dinner of pizza and beer back at his place. The four of them had watched the ball game. All in all, except for the crappy way he bowled, it had been a good afternoon. Since they were on shift today, they had called it quits early in the evening. Johnny had slept well last night and woken this morning with the lingering good mood from the day before. But now, being back at the station had prompted Johnny's bad mood to return.

He splashed water, spilling it over the sides of the mop bucket every time he pushed the mop into the sudsy water. At this rate, he would never get the bay mopped. He was making a bigger mess than he'd started out with. He swished the mop from side to side trying to contain the soapy puddle before it spread over, onto the part of the floor he had already cleaned. He pushed the suds toward the open back, bay doors and the hot sun out back. Thankfully, the rest of the crew had stayed in the kitchen out of his way. When he finally got the mess contained to the back lot, he finished mopping the bay and pushed the rolling bucket over to the large sink to dump the dirty water. He bent over to lift the bucket and felt the pull on his back muscles. Once he had the cleaning supplies returned to the closet, Johnny decided maybe a little stretching would do him some good, but first he had to back the squad in. He'd leave the engine until Mike had time to finish his coffee. He knew Mike wouldn't leave his baby out on the apron for too long. He loved that engine and treated her like one might cherish a classic car.

The station had some weights and simple workout equipment. One of Johnny's favorites was the inversion boots and chin up bar. He slipped off his shirt and t-shirt so he wouldn't get them all sweaty, and then he toed his work boots off before sitting on the bench and buckling the inversion boots around his ankles. He walked over to the chin up bar, reached up, adjusted his grip and with little effort swung his legs up just high enough to hook the boots on the bar; then, he lowered himself in a controlled descent where his head almost touched the floor. He hung there for a few minutes, feeling the stretch in his back. He bent at the waist and reached up for the bar, shifting his legs a little to make sure he was in alignment. He lowered himself again and crossed his arms across his chest. He curled at the waist and raised his upper body in an inverted crunch. It felt good to stretch out his back and feel the burn in his legs and abs as he continued repetitions, up; down, up; down, breathe in through the nose; breathe out through the mouth. After fifty, he alternated to a crisscross inverted sit-up with his hands behind his head, crossing his elbow to the opposing knee and again on the other side. He could feel it in his sore muscles, but he'd learned a long time ago: no pain, no gain.

Roy had been looking for his partner. He thought they needed to make a supply run to Rampart. He'd looked in all the usual places, the hood of the Rover, the picnic table, the hose tower, the squad's cab, the kitchen, Cap's office and the locker room, so the dorm or weight area were the only other options. He heard the noise as Johnny's weight shifted up and down, causing the inversion boots to rock slightly against the bar. Roy knew how much Johnny liked hanging upside down working out. The man had to have abs of steel. Roy preferred to do his sit-ups the old fashioned way, the way he'd learned in the military. He still did his push-ups that way too, except he also did them one handed for extra endurance training. He stopped just out of Johnny's view if he turned around and watched him work out. Johnny's back was still covered in a colorful array of the different shades of purples and yellows that healing bruises tended to turn. They were healing, but no doubt still hurt. Johnny's back glistened with perspiration, but he didn't look like he had even begun to tire. Roy hated to interrupt his friend, but duty called. They needed to get the supplies, and he wanted to talk to Johnny. He stepped forward and stood just out of the way. Johnny never heard him approach. He continued bending and twisting from one side to the other. Roy could hear him counting softly. He cleared his throat and waited.

Johnny lowered himself and placed a hand on the ground, twisting slightly to see who was behind him. "What do ya want, Roy? I'm working out here."

"We need to restock before we get a run."

"I think we're okay. I have the list of supplies we need in my notebook. We'll stock up when we get a run." Johnny raised his hand and crossed his fingers behind his head in preparation to begin his exercises. As far as he was concerned the matter was closed. He bent at the waist turning his elbow to his knee and twisted so his other elbow reached for the other knee. He twisted side to side while suspended in an upside down curl.

"I think we need to do it now." Roy sounded insistent which served only to aggravate Johnny who ignored his partner. He continued to twist and count. "Come on, Johnny. Let's get this over with. Then, we can come back here and relax until we get a run."

Johnny lowered his body straight, and then bent up and grabbed the bar, unhooking his feet and dropping them to the floor. His hands moved to his hips. "Roy, I did the inventory myself. I am perfectly aware of what supplies we have and what supplies we need. I know we can wait until we get a run. Why are you insisting we go now?"

Roy shifted his stance. His own hands went to his hips. "I just think we need to be prepared. You know that's how I feel. You used to think the same way."

Johnny moved over to the bench and sat down to unbuckle the boots. Roy was right. He did feel the same way. He was just avoiding having to spend time alone in the squad with Roy. "Okay, you're right, but give me a few minutes to clean up. I'll meet you in the squad." He grabbed his shirts and boots; stood up and moved toward the locker room.

Roy went out the other door into the bay and leaned against the brick wall. While he waited his thoughts turned back to the day before. He knew he had gone to Johnny's to talk to him; iron out their differences and try to salvage their friendship. Why he had told Chet not to tell Johnny he had been there was a mystery. What had he been thinking? All he ended up doing was driving around for an hour, stopping at the park and sitting at one of the picnic tables for what he thought was ample time to have had a long conversation with Johnny, and then, returned home only to tell Joanne a fat lie about where he'd been all that time. It seemed he couldn't do anything right lately. All he seemed to be doing was making everyone angry. All he wanted to do was move on to his new assignment and keep his family intact, which included Johnny. Things had gone too far to turn back now. He pushed off the brick wall and walked over to the driver's side of the squad to wait for Johnny. He leaned over the hood, planting his elbows and resting his chin in his hands.

His thoughts drifted to when he walked in to Johnny's apartment only to find him and Chet both sound asleep. Roy thought Johnny still looked pale. He had been worried about him ever since the collapsed ceiling that injured his back. He knew the tension between them was his fault. He knew Johnny had only been trying to be supportive. That was Johnny's nature. He would never tell him not to take the promotion even if it wasn't what he wanted. Johnny would never be anything but supportive, and that sometimes got him in over his head. He would try too hard to be helpful and end up getting himself in trouble in the process. Roy smiled at the memory of Johnny squirming in the cab of the squad when he found out how upset Joanne had been at Roy telling Johnny about the argument they had gotten in over his calling Joanne to give her Mike's spaghetti recipe. He also remembered the time Johnny had been insistent on taking care of the kids while he and Joanne went out to their anniversary dinner when he had been sick for days. Both kids ended up with colds. Joanne tried not to be angry with Johnny, but two sick kids could wear on anyone.

Roy stood back up and tried to see where Johnny was. He wondered what was taking him so long.

Johnny splashed water on his face and chest. He grabbed a wad of paper towels and dried off. He tossed the towels in the trash and leaned against the porcelain sink, feeling the coolness on his hands. He took several cleansing breaths and slipped his t-shirt over his head. He took his time buttoning his shirt before moving to the bench to sit. He slowly untied the work boots he'd toed off earlier. He slid first one foot and then the other into the boots before bending to tie them. Once he had the boots on he stood to tuck in his shirt. Why wouldn't the tones sound? Any other time when he tried to work out or they wanted to restock before a run the tones would interrupt. It was like the fates were against him in a different way today. It was like the fates intended for him to have to talk to Roy. He sighed and pushed open the door that led to the bay. He looked up and locked eyes with the object of his thoughts. Roy was waiting on him and looked none too happy about how long it had taken him to get ready. "Uh… sorry."

"Sorry about what?" Roy said as he slid into the driver's seat.

"Sorry I took too long." Johnny quipped as he slid into the passenger side; aggravation at Roy's nonchalant response laced his voice.

"No worries." Roy responded as he shifted the squad into drive. "Let's just get this done."

Johnny propped his elbow on his knee, rested his chin in his palm and stared out the passenger side window, hoping they could make this trip in relative silence. He knew Roy wanted to talk. He could feel it.

"Johnny, I..." Before Roy could finish his first sentence the radio squawked calling them out to a possible overdose.


End file.
